Secrets in the Silence
by secretinsilence
Summary: AU Bella moves to Forks after being kidnapped and held hostage for seven months. She is drawn to the Cullens; especially Edward. They try to overcome many obstacles as Bella tries to deal with her haunting past that she hasn't dared to tell anyone about.
1. Chapter 1: Arrival

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply through my nose. Calm down, I told myself, you are in an airport with tons of security, nothing is going to mess with you. I opened my eyes and looked at the scene around me. There wasn't really a ton of people, I guess that comes with the whole small town thing. That was a plus right, less people to worry about killing you? I sound deranged. Who the hell thinks about this type of stuff? I just need to act normal. I repeated the phrase three times in my mind and started walking through the airport confidently with my luggage rolling on the ground behind me.

"Bella!" someone yelled, and I jumped about five feet in the air. I looked around quickly in the direction of the voice, ready to sprint away at any moment.

"Hey kid, relax, it is just me, your father," said my dad, AKA the police chief of this little town. I immediately let my posture relax as we started walking out the airport.

"Oh, hey dad!" I said, trying to be as cheery as possible, "How have you been?"

"Good, things are slow around here, as usual. How is Renee and the new husband coming along?"

"Fine, she seems to really like Phil, even though he is a little young." I said, rolling my eyes. Phil was a man that Renee had recently married. He was nice, and seemed like someone that could keep her alive when I was gone.

"That good," he said while putting my luggage in the back seat of the car, "But, how have you been, sweetie? I haven't seen you since the um, accident." He said, and I froze. I felt my breath come out in short gasps and mentally reminded myself to remain calm. They aren't here; they aren't going to hurt you.

"I have been f-fine." I chocked out, stuttering, "A lot better since the last time you saw me."I grimaced at the memory. The last time he had seen me I had been in the hospital.

"Well, that is good." He said, obviously uncomfortable at talking about memories that might make me have a mental breakdown. We got in the car, and he turned the music on to some old country station. I sighed and rested my head on the window, pretending I was asleep so I didn't have to answer any probing questions. Soon enough, I had succumbed to sleep.

"Honey, wake up!"Yelled Charlie, "We are at the house!" I unwillingly at up and looked around at the house I was going to be living in. I looked the same. I got out and headed towards the back of the car for my luggage.

"I already took care of that. It is in your room" Charlie informed me.

"Oh, thanks. I am just, um going to get unpacked." I said, and awkwardly walked into the house, feeling my father's eyes burning holes into my back.

I went through the kitchen and looked around; obviously my dad is still caught in the eighties. This just goes to show how Charlie is still not over my mom. Everything looks so outdated and old. I wonder if any of the appliances still work. I looked closely at the oven, there was dust on it. I guess no one really cooks around here. I laughed at my father's ineptness and went to the living room.

This was a huge change from the kitchen. The living room was had a flat screen TV, a huge sofa, and a recliner. It was worn in, and apparently where Charlie spent most of his time due to the stains on the sofa cushions. I looked at the coffee table and noticed three remotes. There is no way in the world I am ever going to figure this TV out. I guess I will just have to read. I made my way upstairs, pausing to look in the bathroom. It looked safe enough; there were no signs of mold or male hairs from limb of the bodies in it. I sighed and walked to my room.

Wow, it looked the exact same as it had last time I came down here to Forks, 4 years ago. It was yellow, a hideous color to make a room, and had stupid little baby furniture. I groaned. Why did Charlie feel the need to keep everything in the house the same since my mother left (excluding the living room)? It was just another flaw to Charlie, he hangs on to stuff way too long.

I sighed and began to unpack.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock beeping. I clumsily tried to find out, and knocked it over in the process. I groaned, why did Charlie have to sign me up for school? Couldn't I just be homeschooled? I rolled out of bed, blindly grabbed some clothes and changed. I looked in the mirror and sighed at my long wavy brown hair, it was ridiculous. It looked like I had a static balloon rubbed through hair. I grabbed a comb and tried to tame the beast.

After about five minutes it looked good enough, so I went the bathroom. I caught my reflection in the mirror. I wonder what the other girls at school will think of me. I am not that pretty, at least I don't think. I have big brown eyes that make me look innocent and sort of like a doe if I were comparing to animals. I sighed. Don't we all wish we could be like those supermodels on TV?

I tilted my head to side and examined the scar on my neck. It was long, about six inches, and probably a centimeter wide. It was also ugly, little ripples of skin in the middle that never came back right. I ran my fingers across the surface and closed my eyes.

_I looked into the eyes of the man in front of me, trying to suppress my fear. He smiled menacingly. _

_"What do we have here?" he said, tightening the straps on my wrist that were keeping me tied down to the table, "A little girl? Does this little girl want to play with me?" He asked. I shook my head, and the movement caused the wrist guards to cut into my skin. I felt a trickle of blood slide down my arm and whimpered. _

_"Ahh, look at this," he said grabbing my wrist, "the blood of a little girl, look at the color. I personally think that it is the most beautiful color in the world. Do you agree?" he said, his face nearing mine while pointing to my wrist. I shook my head violently, feeling the pull of the cloth on my skin._

_"Well, I want to see it; I think that it is a most appealing color. It looks very good with your skin tone." He said, whispering into my ear, I started to shake. "I think that maybe we can reach a compromise. I want to see your beautifully colored blood, and you don't. I think I can arrange something to please both of us." He said, and looked into my eyes and smirked. He turned around and I heard the rattling of drawers. _

_Oh, God, he is going to kill me. I started crying, the tears streaming fast down my face. What about my family, how am I ever going to see them, what will they think? _

_"Don't worry child, you won't see a thing, as for feeling something, I am sorry about that." He said and laughed. They he pulled out a knife and went to my throat. I screamed. _

_"No, no, you have to be quiet; we don't want to wake the master. Now, be a good girl, and hold still." He said, clamping his hand over my mouth. Then he brought the knife down to my throat. _

_"Don't worry, you won't see anything." He cackled, and slit the knife down my throat, "but I will" he whispered, tearing it through my skin. I screamed wildly. The last think I remember was the feel of warm blood flowing down my neck. As the darkness overtook me I heard my assassin's cackling laugh pierce through the darkness._

"Bella, Bella! Are you okay?" asked a worried voice. I looked around at the scene in from of me. I was in my bathroom, lying on the floor huddled in a corner. Someone was screaming, I didn't realize that it was me until my dad covered my mouth with his hand.

"Honey, you don't have to go to school today if you don't feel up to it, I just thought you wanted a normal routine."

Right, school. Today was going to be my first official day of school since before the accident. I sighed and looked at my father's panicked expression. I was really going to have to get a hold on myself around him before he sends me to an insane asylum.

"Yeah, I am fine. I don't know what came over me. I guess I just remembered something that I have been trying to forget." I said, putting on my most convincing smile.

"Are you sure you want to go to school? Are you ready?" he probed me, not full believing I was stable.

"Yes, Dad, I am fine. I just had a little breakdown. I just need to do something that absorbs me. School would be the perfect place to go."

"Well, okay. I am going to head down to the station. Call me if you need me, or if anything happens, you hear?"

"Yes dad" I sighed, and started to go down the stairs to get my breakfast. I grabbed a low fat cereal bar and found a note on the counter.

Bella,

I know you have been through a lot so here is a gift. There is no need to thank me, and if you don't want it just let me know.

Dad

Beside the note was a set of car keys. I squealed in delight. I got a car! I am so happy, now I am free! I ran outside and stopped dead in my tracks. In front of me was a truck, not just any truck, but a vintage Ford. I loved it; it looked like it could take on any other car. That was just what I needed. I quickly climbed inside and started it. It worked like a charm. I put it in reverse, and headed out towards school, wondering what was going to happen when I got there.


	2. Chapter 2: School

**Thank you for all the review and alerts! I was suprised at all the feedback i got! Well, here is the next chapter, it is shorter, but i think it ends at a good place. I love you all, and if you have time, tell me what you think!**

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When I got to the school, I started to panic. What if they followed me here? No, I can't think that. They are all locked away in jail. There is no possible way they could have gotten out. I closed my eyes after putting the car in park and took five deep breaths. Calm down, no one is going to hurt you. They are just normal kids trying to get an education, just like-

TAP! TAP!

I jumped out of my skin, hitting my head on the roof of the car hard. I looked towards the noise, and met the eye of a boy with his fist raised by the glass window. Why did he have to feel the need to scare the living shit out of me by tapping on my window? I must look like a complete idiot. I sighed and got out of the truck.

"Hey, you must be Isabella!" he chirped happily. I looked him over. He had blonde hair and a tall lean figure. Overall he was pretty cute, but definitely not my type.

"Bella, who are you?" I replied, getting my bag out of the car.

"My name is Mike, Mike Newton. I heard you were coming from my parents, and I figured that you could use a hand."

"Uh, yeah, I guess." I replied hesitantly. Apparently I was a topic of old lady gossip around here nice. I wonder what they had said about me.

"I'll show you to the office." He said, taking my hand. I reluctantly took his and headed towards the office. I felt people staring at us the whole way. They were probably wondering why the hell Newton boy here was holding my hand dragging me to the office. I was beginning to wonder why I didn't chop his freaking head off. Before I could act, we were at the office, and he let go.

"This I , she is the secretary. Let her get you settled, I have to get to class. See you later Bella!" he yelled walking out the door.

"Bye Mike" I mumbled back, sounding rather unenthusiastic compared to him.

"You must be Bella! Here is your schedule and a map of the school. I hope you enjoy your day!"she said in a cute little old lady voice. I just stared at her. Enjoy my day? Um, yeah right. I already got a walking Fig Newton following me around, what else is going to happen. I decided against telling her this, and offered her a kind smile.

"You too." I said taking my schedule and walking towards my first class, English. Thank God, I have English first. Not only is it my favorite class, but it is the easiest. That means I can sleep through it. I walked to English, checking on my map ever so often, and ignoring the stare of the random high school kids on my back.

When I got to the classroom, everyone was already there. Great, now they all get to stare at me when I take my seat. I gave an introduction to the teacher and watched everyone's reactions when I oh so magnificently pulled out my chair and at down. I had the urge to say 'viola' when I was finally in my seat.

As the teacher droned on and on about something or another I felt the stares of classmates lessen. The class went by pretty fast. Soon enough the bell rang, scaring the living crap out of me. I heard someone laugh as they saw me jump. I sighed and gathered my books, running towards my next class.

"Hey, I am Alice!"A pixie like short girl said in a bell like voice. She was also very thin and had black hair that spread out around her face in a cute disarray. I looked at her beautiful face and felt a surge of envy at her delicate features. She had the the prettiest eye color, almost golden, but a bit lighter. When I looked into her eyes, it felt like I was staring at topaz.

"I'm Bella" I said, looking at the ground.

"What is your next class, maybe I am in it!"Alice exclaimed in an overly excited manner. I looked at her smile and felt one of my own spread across my face. I dug my schedule out of my pocket and gave it to her.

"Oh, I don't have the next class with you! My brother Edward has Biology with you after lunch, though. I can introduce him to you at lunch!" she said, her blue eyes shining in anticipation.

"Sure, that would be um, great." I said hesitantly, not entirely comfortable with the idea of being acquainted with a boy.

"See you around Bella!" she said, dancing off in the direction of the building we were passing. I waved, and looked at my map hoping to find my next class. I sighed. I still had to walk through two building before I got to my least favorite class, Trig.

I was so absorbed in my schedule that I didn't even notice someone in front of me until I ran straight into them. I fell back, catching myself with my hands behind me on the cement. I immediately slid back into the nearest corner and closed my eyes shut tight, curling myself tightly into a little ball. I heard someone clear their throat and flinched.

"Are you okay?"a velvety smooth voice asked me. I hesitantly opened my eyes one at a time. A boy with messy bronze hair and golden topaz eyes was crouching by me, a look of concern on his face. I looked him over to make sure he wasn't going to hurt me and my breath caught in my throat. He was beautiful. His skin seemed to glow from within, giving him the appearance of an angel and his features were flawless. They were perfectly angular, he had a strong jaw and high, almost delicate cheekbones. His eyes were thickly lashed, and his nose was a perfect slope, coming out just the right amount from his perfect face.

"Um, yeah, I am so sorry!" I blurted out, blood rushing to my face.

"It is fine, but did I hurt you?"he asked, looking eagerly over my body for any afflictions.

"No, I am fine," I said, in a rush to explain my strange behavior, "you just caught me off guard. I was looking at my schedule and I guess I didn't know where I was going. I should have been –"

"It's not your fault," he said in a soothing voice, "I should have been watching out too. Here, let me help you up." I looked at his hand and hesitated. Should I trust him not to hurt me? I looked up at his face, and he nodded encouragingly. I took his hand and jumped in surprise when a bolt of electricity spread throughout my body. I caught my breath and tried to regain a regular heart rate.

"My name is Edward Cullen, and you must be Isabella." He said in a voice full of awe. I looked at him, this was Alice' s brother?!

"I only know your name from the gossip around town." He said, mistaking my befuddled expression.

"Its fine, but I prefer Bella."I said, quickly correcting him, "I think I met your sister Alice earlier, she is quite hyper." He laughed, his voice like water running through a stream.

"Yeah, she is quite the talker. I am sorry if she inconvenienced you in any way." He said, looking ashamed again.

"Oh, no, she was wonderful. One of the nicest people I have met all day." I said, smiling at him to prove my point. Just then the bell rang, marking us late to class. I groaned, not only was I a new student, but I was also going to be late to class. You know what that meant, double the stares.

"Well, I have to go to class, so I will see you around, maybe at lunch!" Edward called to me, his velvet voice carrying through the courtyard. I looked at him, darn he was fast.

"Okay, bye!" I called to him, hoping he heard. I went to Trig in a daze, thinking only about Edward. What was that electric shock when he touched me, and did he feel it too? I barely paid any attention in class, letting the teacher's monotone voice fade into the background as my thoughts revolved quietly around the most ridiculous topic, Edward Cullen.

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**Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3: Freak Out

**OKAY I NEED HELP DECIDING IF THE CULLENS SHOULD BE VAMPIRES. IF SO I AM GOING TO HAVE TO JUST EDIT THE OTHER CHAPTERS, CHANGING THEIR EYE COLOR. IF WON'T BE HARD, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHETHER I WANT THEM TO BE VAMPIRES OR NOT!!**

**PLEASE HELP ME AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINKK! **

**ANYWAYS HERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTER, MAYBE IT WILL HELP YOU DECIDE!!**

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\BRRING! The bell screamed from behind me, causing me to jump out of my seat and fall unto the floor with a thwack. I cursed myself internally for being so easy to scare. I got up and started to gather my things to go to my last class before lunch.

"Hey, are you okay?" a male voice asked me from behind, making me jump again. I turned around to look at the voice. It came from a boy that was about six feet tall with black hair, and a slightly weird posture. He had some skin problems, but could be cute if he lost the glasses and the acne. I smiled at him, while mentally cursing myself for drawing his attention. I didn't want any attention. I just wanted to be normal.

"Um, yeah I am fine. I am just a little jumpy." I said, trying to explain my ridiculous behavior. I tried to laugh, but it came out sounding like a strangled cough. It didn't seem to phase his confidence at all.

"You must be Isabella Swan. What class do you have next?" he said, looking at me appraisingly. I looked down at my schedule.

"I prefer Bella, and my next class is Drama."I groaned when I realized this. You know what that meant, public speaking. Out of all the classes, why did they have to put me in drama? Couldn't I have taken something less demanding of charisma? I could already feel my face beginning to flush from embarrassment. I decided to see if I could change it after school. There was NO way I was going to be in any plays.

"Oh, that is on the way to my next class. Do you mind if I walk you there?" he asked, interrupting my train of thought and sending me a friendly smile. I looked him over. He seemed nice enough, and he didn't look very dangerous. I shook my head. He took my hand and started talking rapidly. Why did he have to touch me?

I could feel my breath start to come in short gasps. Calm down, he is only touching your hand; he isn't going to hurt you. I looked up at the boy, and I realized I didn't even know his name. I stopped breathing. That meant if he did something, I wouldn't know who to tell on. My heartbeat thudded in my ears, and I could feel the blood leave my face.

""Wh-What is your name?" I asked in a low murmur.

"Eric Yorkie, pleased to meet you" he said, giving my hand a squeeze. I froze; his name was so similar to _his _name. The name of the one I detest. I gasped for breath as I pictured his face in the back of my mind. Chill, I told myself, he is not here. I shut my eyes tight and tried to calm my breathing.

"Bella, Bella! Are you okay?"I could hear him asking me urgently, worry laced in his voice. I could still feel his hand burning uncomfortably through my skin. I didn't want to be touched, by _him _or by anyone. I mustered up my courage and yanked my hand out of his.

"Let go of me!" I screamed, sending him a venomous glare, "I am tired of people touching me!" I started to run away only to realize that I was on the ground. I took a deep breath and curled into a ball, placing my hands defensively in front of my face. I started to count to twenty, when I was at fifteen I heard someone yell my name.

"Bella! Bella!" I heard a different voice call. It was the silky smooth voice of none other than Edward Cullen. I turned to look at him walking towards me. I crawled away from his advancing figure towards the nearest wall, hoping he wouldn't try to hurt me. I felt my breathing start to go erratic and my vision was starting to blur. Calm down, no one is trying to hurt you.

I put my head between my knees and started to focus only on my breathing. I heard someone start to approach me and covered the back of my head with my hands.

"Bella, I am not going to hurt you. Look at me, please?" Edward said, drawing out the last word with a strand of hope. I looked up towards his eyes hesitantly, waiting for the furious look I was sure to find. When I saw his eyes I gasped.

His eyes didn't hold any rage or anger. They had something that I had never seen before. I couldn't place my finger on it, but it actually looked like he was concerned for my well being. I stared at him confused. He wasn't going to be mad at me and hurt me?

"Bella," he said softy, sounding like he was trying to sooth a crying baby, "I am not going to hurt you." With this, he put his hands up in the air and started to walk towards me slowly.

My breath caught in my throat and I stopped breathing. I looked at his advancing figure, terror coursing through my body. I could already feel the hits he was about to ensue on me. I tried to scream, but no sound would come out. When he was within touching distance I could feel my heart start to beat violently. I need to breathe, I remembered, feeling lightheaded. I looked at Edward again. He was reaching his hand out to touch me, pleading from his eyes to let him. I shook my head.

"Don't hurt me." I managed to croak out in a hushed whisper, "Please, I am tired of pain." The look on his face from the last sentence was one of shock and anguish. Then, his face began to take on a new look; one that I knew all too well, anger. I backed into the corner as far as I possibly could.

All the sudden Edward's hands were on my shoulders, and his voice demanding.

"Who did this to you Bella?" he asked me in a strained voice, "Tell me! I will kill them!" I flinched as his voice rose in volume. I could feel my lightheadedness returning and shook my head. My heart was pounding in my head, and I was shaking in terror; my blood froze in my veins, please not again, please not again.

"Tell me!" he demanded, "I need to know." He pleaded, shaking me back and forth in his arms for emphasis. I freaked out. Before I knew what I was doing I screamed and fell from his angry arms, curling in a ball on the floor.

"What are you saying Bella?" I heard Edward ask me. Only then did I realize that I was automatically repeating the phrase that I had said hundreds of times of the last year. Please not again. I clamped my lips together and curled tighter into my ball, hoping that he would go away, and never come back again. I didn't want him to hurt me. I tried to get up so I could slowly sneak away, when a hand stopped me. My breath caught and I turned around. I saw the anguish and pain in Edward's eyes, and started to feel dizzy.

"Don't touch me" I let out in a strangled whisper. I saw Edward's eyes fill with pain as he unwillingly let go of my shoulder.

I only walked a few feet after that, before I felt the world tilt and become encased in blackness. The last thing I heard was a velvet voice whisper in such a hushed tone that I could barely hear.

"I'm so sorry." The voice whispered, sounding so broken and anguished, that it broke my heart, in two.

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**THANK YOU TO MY FAITHFUL REVIEWERS! YOU REALLY KEEP ME GOING! 3**


	4. Chapter 4: Monster

**Kay, the Cullens are offically vampires! If you didn't want them to be, i am so sorry. Them being vampires just fits the story and the path that i want it to take better.**

**plus if they weren't, we couldn't have this drama filled chapter!**

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**Edward's Point of View (from last chapter)  
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I walked out of my second period class in a daze. Ever since I met her, all that I could think about was Bella. Every curve, every line of her lips, they had me going insane. And the ways she _smelled_- Don't think about that, I mentally chastised myself. I was hooked on her from the moment I saw her. My whole being was fixated on her.

But there were two distinct sides fighting. One side wanted me to jump her bones the moment I saw her. It wanted me to ravish her right on the ground she stepped on. I literally ached to touch her, to hold her body close to mine, to feel her warm lips move in perfect harmony against my stone cold ones.

The other side wanted to kill her. It wanted me to sneak into her classroom and suck her blood dry. I was physically hurting from this side, my instincts running wild. I needed her blood so bad, I needed it to point were my throat hurt if I even begun to think about her. I felt like I was a dying flower, withering away from the lack of blood. Not just any blood, her blood. As much as I tried to calm this side, it is always in the background plotting plans and ways to kill the only person I have wanted to get intimate with. In the first meeting with her I plotted a thousand ways to kill her. Just to think about her rich blood sliding down my throat almost made me go seek her out to drain her clean.

_Edward, calm down, _Jasper said, probably unknowingly saving Bella's life, _your emotions are driving me insane! One minute I want take Alice somewhere private, and the next moment I feel like killing her!_

I mentally groaned at Jasper's annoying voice in my head. Of course he would know what I was feeling. I was pretty sure he would ask me about it later, there are literally no secrets in my family. I looked over at Jasper to smile apologetically when I realized his gaze was elsewhere.

I followed it and my eyes rested on Eric Yorkie, whom had his hand around Bella's. I growled, but my anger suddenly dissipated when I took sight of Bella. She was frozen still, and even from this distance I could hear her erratic heartbeat and gasping breaths. I felt worry and concern for this girl that I had just met.

"Let go of me!" she screamed, glaring at Eric with such hatred I, the indestructible vampire backed away, and "I am tired of people touching me!"She spat into his face. I froze in my spot, my thoughts running wild. She had been touched before? Most likely it was in an unpleasant way as well. Rage clouded my vision, as I saw Bella fall to the ground and place her face between her knees. I had to help her. I needed to know who did this to her. I started to run as fast as I could without blowing my cover towards her.

"Bella! Bella!" I called to her, hoping to God that she wasn't harmed. She turned to look at me, and fear clouded her vision. I heard her intake of breath, and could feel the fright coming from her figure. I needed to calm her down. She apparently was scared and vulnerable to anyone. I heard a frustrated sigh come from Eric and smiled smugly. I then looked at Bella and focused all my attention on comforting her.

"Bella," I said her name like a prayer from my lips, "I am not going to hurt you." She looked at me terrified of my advancing figure. I put my hands in the air and started to slowly advance towards her, not wanting to frighten her in any way. I saw the terror rise in her eyes and slowed down a bit, trying to reassure her that I wasn't to harm her. When I was about five feet away I reached out to touch her.

"Don't hurt me," Bella said so softly, so full of anguish that I could barely hear, "Please, I am tired of pain." I could her hear softly plea. With those words my dead heart broke. I could feel physical pain surge through my body for this human. Who could have done this to her? Who could have hurt her so bad that a simple clasp of the hand could be her undoing? I had to find out. I had to find out who did this to her, and I had to kill them! They were dead.

_Edward calm down! The girl is terrified!_

I could hear Jasper plead in my head, but his voice was shunned to the back of my mind. I saw Bella start to back away so I put my hands on her shoulders.

"Who did this to you Bella?"I asked her, my voice shaking from rage, "Tell me! I will kill them!" I said in a tone so menacing that I started to feel her shake in terror. I could her mumbling something under her breath, not loud enough even for my hearing. I looked her in the eyes, "Tell me! I need to know!" I demanded from her, letting the volume of my voice rise higher.

_Edward STOP! STOP!_ I could hear Jasper scream in the back of my mind. I dropped my hands from Bella's shoulders when I realized what I was doing. _You are terrifying her! Let her be!_ He pleaded with me. I can't believe I lost it like that with such a fragile human. How could I be so inconsiderate? How could I hurt an angel? I looked for her, and then realized that she was in a ball on the ground. For the second time that day, I felt my heart break. I had caused this innocent girl so much pain and anguish. I was only then that I realized she was still murmuring something. It was so low, that I could barely hear it with my vampire hearing.

"Please not again." Her quiet voice whispered repeatedly, frightened to the core. I felt like a knife had been stabbed through my heart.

I was a monster, a cold, hard, unloving monster. I realized I had to make amends to her. I reached for her shoulder, begging her with my eyes to understand. I needed her to look at me so I could get her to understand.

"Don't touch me" she whispered, trying to get up. I froze; it felt like my whole world was crumbling around me. It felt like I had been punched in the gut, I couldn't move. I looked into Bella's beautiful brown eyes, filled with fear and let my hand drop from her shoulder. I watched her try to walk away unsuccessfully, and caught her without thinking when she started to fall to the ground. She was unconscious.

I looked at her flawless face, and started to sob. How could I hurt her? How could I do something so vile and evil to this poor innocent girl? I was the blackest monster, the most cynical evil, and the darkest night. I whispered one last plea into the ear of this broken girl, hoping that one day she could begin to consider forgiving me.

"I'm so sorry" I said, pleading her with all my heart to forgive me. I looked at a loose strand of hair around her face and tucked it behind her ear.

Then, her scent hit me like a thousand canons being fired at my face. I wanted to kill her. She was laying right here in my arms, and her blood was calling my name. I felt my throat catch fire, and my animalistic need for her blood start to take over. I started to lower my face towards her throat. One little sip of her delicate blood wouldn't hurt. It would make me stronger. I smiled to myself as my lips touched her throat. I was about to bite her neck, I was about to feel her warm blood soothe my wilted body.

Then I felt two strong arms clamp around me, tearing me away from my prey.

"Edward! STOP!" I heard Emmett scream into my ear, "Do you want to expose us?" I didn't care. All I wanted, all I needed in life was Isabella Swan's delicious blood. I started to trash in his arms, as I felt another pair start to restrain me. I realized we were moving away from my prey.

"Let me have her!" I yelled at Emmet. I felt someone smack me hard across the face. Then, I looked into the hard cold eyes of a very frightening pixie, Alice.

"Edward Cullen, WHAT THE _HELL_ WHERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?" Alice yelled. It was then that I noticed my surroundings, as I started to slip back into reality. We were in a forest on the outskirts of Forks, at least ten miles from where anyone lived.

"YOU COULD HAVE EXPOSED US! YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL ESME AND CARLILE HEAR ABOUT THIS! THEY WILL BE OFF THEIR ROCKER! AND TO THINK YOU HAVE THE NEXT BEST CONTROL BESIDE CARISILE! OHH, I DON'T THINK SO ANYMORE!" she continued her rant as the reality of what happened sank in. It all came back to me and hit me in the face like a thousand bolts of lightning. I froze and fell to my knees.

How could I do that?! What kind of a monster was I? Not only did I cause her emotional anguish, but I tried to kill her! I couldn't stay here; I couldn't face my family after what I did. I would have to hide from them. I have shamed them all so much. So, with my heart breaking for what seemed the billionth time that day, I ran. They only thoughts in my head were repetitions of the phrase that I had proved to myself today; I am a monster. I went to the nearest airport and brought a plane ticket for Italy. When I sat in my seat I looked out the window, and keep repeating that haunting phrase until I felt the plane land safely on the ground. Then I headed for Volterra.

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**Please tell me what you think if you have the time! THANKS FOR READING!**


	5. Chapter 5: Interruption

**Here is the next chapter! Tell me what you think! It is a little longer than usual. I don't know if i like it yet, so i might revise it later. I didn't read it over for editing, so i don't think it is my best. But i gave it a shot.**

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"_Bella!" my master called, "Get down here now!"I quickly scrambled out of my tattered blanket on my thin mattress and ran as fast as I could towards the voice. _

_"Y-Yes, master" I stuttered, scared of the task he was about to ask me. I looked up at him and tried to hide my fear from my eyes._

_"My son is so very bored, and you see out here in the middle of nowhere, he has no one to play with. Will you so kindly be his playmate?" he asked me in a tone that was ice cold compared with his formal way of stating things. _

_"Of course. Where is James?"I asked hesitantly, my heart starting to beat in fear of the 'games' we were about to play. _

_"I am right here Bella." Announced James from behind his father, causing me to flinch, "Oh, don't be scared, I will try not to hurt you too bad." He smiled and I could feel my stomach start to churn. I froze and looked at him terrified. James held out his hand towards me and I backed away, trying to go towards the corner of the wall and make myself as little as possible._

_"Bella, come here." James demanded me. I closed my eyes and felt my breath come out in heavy gasps. _

_"NOW!" he yelled, making me jump. I shook my head and pushed myself as far as I would go into the wall. My hands tried grasp the sturdy wall behind me, pleading with it to engulf me._

_"Bella," James started in a venomous tone I knew all too well, "if you don't come over here now, I am going to make you come over here." I looked at his eyes and saw the fury evident on his face. I gulped and could feel myself trembling in fear. Oh no, please not that look, I thought to myself. I shut my eyes and squeezed them tight, trying to get the image of him out of my head. _

_All of the sudden I felt someone's arms snatch around my waist and throw me on the ground. I cried out in pain as I felt my shoulder collide hard with the cement. I could feel the tears start to stream down my face as the pulsing pain in my elbow worsened._

_"I thought I told you to come!" James spat loudly into my face, making me flinch._

"_Why didn't you come?!" I whimpered and held my arm close to my chest, searching my brain for the right answer. I felt a stinging pain hit the side of my face, and heard the loud slap from James' hand echo off the wall. _

_"WHY DIDN'T YOU COME?!" he yelled louder into my face. I looked down to the ground and said the first thing that came to mind. _

_"I was scared." I whispered, so low he had to lean forward to hear. I instinctively tried to take a step back, but he grabbed my wrist hard and looked me in the eyes._

_"You were scared." He repeated, a mocking expression on his face, "What reason would you have at all to be afraid?" he asked, innocence lacing through his voice. _

_I looked at his eyes; they were cold and gave the impression of an innocent child's. I bit my lip as hard as I could, hoping to God that I could somehow wake myself up. Please don't hurt me again, I whispered in my mind. Please. _

_"What's that, Bella? What are you saying?" he asked. I paused, had I actually been saying that out loud? I bit my lip harder, and started to feel the blood collect in my dry mouth. I felt him move closer to me, and I slid to the ground. _

_"Bella," I heard him whisper not even an inch from my ear, I whimpered, putting my hands over my face in case he tried to hit me. "You never answered my questions." I felt him clasp his hands around my wrist and pull them from my face. He grabbed both of them in one hand, and in the other turned my face roughly towards his. I could feel his fingernails digging into the side of my cheek._

_"I need you to answer me." He said. His voice was as demanding and as cold as ice. I tried to look away from his eyes, but failed. I could slowly see the anger building up in them. I needed to say something fast. _

_"W-What?" I stuttered, the word felt lifeless on my tongue. I was numb. _

_"I need you tell me the answer to my questions." He said through clenched teeth, the threat was evident on his face._

_"I d-don't rem-emember" I said softly, looking at the ground and squeezing my eyes shut from the punishment that was sure to come._

_"You," he started out in a voice of mock surprise, "don't remember?" I squeezed my eyes together harder and shook my head. _

_"Well, in that case, I think I need to make you remember." I whimpered and turn my head out of his rough hands. "Where are you trying to go Isabella?" he asked me, "I still have a game to play with you. Let me tell you the rules!" he screamed, gripping my face harder in his hands, "Rule number one, I can do whatever I want to you." He said, kicking me in the back hard. I screamed and bit my lip harder, trying to wake up. I have to wake up from this dream. God, please get me up. _

_"Rule number two," James seethed at me, "Until you give me a reason for you to be afraid of me, I don't stop." After that what my mind remembers the most is the shouting and pain. The only thing I could register was that every time James shouted, a new place in my body would start to hurt. I could feel the bitter tears that flowed freely down my face with each new hit. I remember James standing over me laughing at my anguish. I remember him tearing off his clothes. Most of all, I remember screaming out into the darkness over and over again five words. Please don't hurt me again. James never stopped hurting me until the very end._

I woke up because I felt someone shaking my arm. I looked over and saw a heavyset woman who looked to be about in her middle forties. She had brown hair tied securely in a bun behind her head. I tried to scoot away, but realized I was laying on something. I looked down; I was on a cot in the nurse's office.

That was when all of my memories came flooding back to hit me in the face. I groaned. This was just what I needed in my life, everyone at school thinking I was some sort of psycho freak.

"Darling, are you okay?"The nurse asked me in a maternal tone. I nodded and tried to smile convincingly. "Are you sure you are okay? You were screaming about something in your sleep." She eyed me warily. I stiffened. What if she heard me say something I am not supposed to? I was so dead.

"Can you tell me what I said?" I asked, watching her face, I saw her frown, "It is just that I don't remember the dream I was having, and I think that maybe what I was saying could help me remember." I said, in a sickly sweet voice.

"Oh, in that case sure," she said, "Well you kept saying things like stop and that hurts. I thought you were awake when you asked someone to wake you up from this bad dream, so I left for a little while. When I came back you were still screaming bloody murder, so I decided it would be best to wake you up." She smiled at me, encouraging me with her eyes to tell me what happened in my dream.

"Oh, I think I remember my dream now," I started off slowly trying to convince her that I was now just remembering, "You know those dreams you have every once in a while when you are on the edge of a cliff and someone pushes you over?" I asked her, hoping to God she knew what I was talking about.

"Sure honey, I have those a lot of times. It usually helps me to do yoga before I go to bed when I start getting those." I smiled at the ludicrous picture in my head of her even attempting to do yoga.

"Well, I had one of those dreams. I guess I was saying stop because someone was pushing me towards the edge. I don't know why I was saying 'that hurts', it must have been because I fell right before I got to the edge of the cliff. As for all of the screaming, that would most likely be the part where I am falling." I nodded my head, praying that she would believe my sorry lie. I saw her calculating it in her mind, seeing if the pieces of the puzzle all fit together.

"I guess." She said, looking thoughtful, "Oh, Do you know what you need?" she asked, her voice full of excitement. I shook my head, trying my best to match her excitement.

"You need one of those cool books that tell you what your dreams mean!" I stared at her, questioning her sanity with my eyes, she went on unfazed, "I can give you the address of this great bookstore in Port Angelas that should have a dream interpretation book."

"Oh, okay." I said, sounding surprised even to myself.

"Let me get a pen and paper and write it down for you, okay?" I smiled at her. As she went to get a piece of paper I replayed the events of today in my mind. Why did I have to freak out like that? I checked the clock, eager to see how long I had been passed out. It was around eleven thirty, so I had only been out an hour. I groaned, that meant I still had to face the rest of the school day with people whispering behind my back. I wonder what silly rumors were going to come out of this bunch. They were sure going to get a test on their creativity as long as I am here. I saw the nurse walk back in.

"Who brought me here?" I asked without thinking, "and why am I in the nurse's office?"

"Oh dear, I am so sorry for not explaining earlier. Rosalie Hale brought you here. She said she found you passed out on the side walk. I wish you remembered more so I could ask you some questions about how it happened." I sat there shocked. Rosalie Hale found me? I didn't even know who that was! What about Eric Yorkie? Where in God's green earth did he go to after I freaked out? I sat there completely absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't notice two perfect figures enter the room until they spoke.

"Nurse Nusum, Can we take Bella home for the day?" came an innocent voice that sounded like bells from a church tower. I looked towards the door and my jaw dropped, standing in the doorway looking straight at me was Alice Cullen, and who I presumed to be Rosalie Hale.

"Of course Alice, Rosalie, it will be just a minute, I still need to take Bella's blood pressure." They smiled at the nurse with such a convincing smile I almost offered to leave without getting my blood pressure taken.

I sat in a daze while the nurse strapped the band around my arm and took some other vitals like my heart rate. I was so lost in thought that Alice had to call my name twice to get me to leave. I walked out of school trancelike, and we eventually ended up at their car.

"Get in" Rosalie said, her voice leaving no options. I whimpered and sat in obligingly.

"Bella, we need to talk." Alice said, her eyes locking on mine.


	6. Chapter 6: Speak

**Here is the next chapter. I am sorry it is not in Edward's point of view, but don't worry, he is coming! I just wanted to give you a little more information about Bella's past. **

**I WANT TO THINK ALL MY FAITHFUL REVIEWERS SO MUCH! YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME! i DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS TODAY WITHOUT YOU!**

**HERE IS A COOKIE FOR YOU ALL! by the way, i don't own twilight. same for all my other chapters.  
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_"Bella, we need to talk." Alice said, her eyes locking on mine. I froze._

"O-okay" I said, scared of what she was about to ask me. My heart thudded nervously in my chest as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"Are you okay?" asked Alice, concern overriding her perfect features. She really was a nice girl.

"Yeah, I am fine. I don't know what happened back there." I said, and felt a look of horror cross my face.

"Yeah, Jasper told me you were really scared." Alice said. How in the world would Jasper know, he wasn't even there when the incident happened.

"Alice, are you okay?" I asked her teasingly, "Jasper wasn't there." A look of shock, probably from her obvious error clouded her face.

"I am sorry Bella." She said, laughing at her stupidity, "I sometimes get my own brothers mixed up. It was Edward, not Jasper who told me."

"I understand, even though that usually only happens to old people."I said the last part under my breath, and I could swear I saw Rosalie chuckling silently. A thought suddenly crossed my mind.

"Where is Edward?" I asked, "I never got to think him." All of the sudden Rosalie whipped around in her seat and looked at me dead in the eye with the most evil glare I had ever seen.

"Edward is gone. He might be gone forever thanks to that little stunt you pulled back at the school." She sneered at me, "Anyways, it isn't your business." I looked at her stunned, and fear clouded my features. Oh no, that is why they brought me here, I thought to myself. They are going to punish me. I could feel the loud gasps coming out of my mouth as I played a thousand different scenarios of them torturing me in my head.

"Please don't hurt me." I whispered as a reflex reaction. I heard a loud smack, and was surprised when I didn't feel anything.

"Alice, how dare you slap me!" Rosalie screeched.

"I wouldn't have slapped you if you didn't deserve it! Stop scaring her, can't you tell that she is terrified!" she yelled back, point at my current position in the car.

I looked down and gasped. I had somehow gotten out of my seat and was on the floor in a ball, covering my head from any harm. I tried to get back into a normal position as quietly as possible. I could still hear the whispers of frustration they were fighting each other with. I squeezed my eyes shut and started to count silently in my head, waiting for my impending doom.

"Bella," Alice said, making me jump, "Is it okay if we go to my house for a while?" I looked at her innocent smile. She seemed harmless enough; it was her sister that I was worried about.

"Will Rosalie be there?" I asked hesitantly, looking at Rosalie. I saw her roll her eyes.

"Yes, she will be there Bella. Don't worry. I will make sure she doesn't harm you at all. Or she will have to answer to me." Alice threatened, sending Rosalie a frightening expression. I shivered as she growled menacingly to Rosalie. Oh my God.

I stiffened. Why didn't I recognize this earlier? I felt my heart rate increase rapidly and my breathing stopped. The Cullen family was just like James. They all had the same pale white skin and inhuman beauty. They had the animalistic tendency to claim their victims. Just like Alice was doing now. She wasn't trying to protect me. She was trying to state me as her territory, not Rose's. They were going to lock me away and drink my blood. I was going to feel the fire spread through my veins again, sooner or later getting sucked out by James and putting me in agony.

"Alice, please!"I begged her, "Don't put the fire in me! I don't want any more fires inside! I don't want any more pain!" A look of shock crossed both of their faces as they stood there stunned for a couple seconds. I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I remembered all too well of how the fire felt. Suddenly, Alice's expression changed from shocked to sadness. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"Oh, Bella!" she said, pulling me into her arms, "I am not going to hurt you! I am trying to help you! I only want you to be safe. Please forgive me!" I stopped thinking as her last words registered in my mind. Forgive her? Whatever for? I was the stupid one; I was the one that misinterpreted her actions all along.

"It's okay. I should be asking for your forgiveness. I thought you wanted to- to b-bite me." I burst out into tears at the memory of James' cold, black eyes.

"Never, Bella, never!" she cried, carrying me into the house, "Jasper!" she called out, "Get down here now and help us calm her down." Jasper leaned curiously out from the corner as he slowly descended down the stairs. Alice sighed impatiently.

"There is no use for pretenses, she knows what we are." She said, watching the shock cross Jasper's face at her statement. He regained his composure and nodded his head, before appearing across the room in less than a second. I gasped and turned away in fright.

"Careful, Jasper, she gets scared easy." Alice said, and then whispered something so low I couldn't hear. Jasper nodded his head, and I felt a sense of security surround me. I sunk down into the crème colored couch and tried to calm down. I must have fallen asleep because soon I felt someone gently shaking my arm.

"Time to get up, sleepyhead!" Alice chirped at me in a chipper voice. I groaned and looked through the window. It was still light outside, I exhaled in relief. I hated driving at night. It is when all the memories of my past would come to haunt me.

"So Bella, I think that we should talk a little." said Jasper, surprising me in his soothing voice. I looked at him, and felt a wave of calm pass through me. I looked around the room, and saw Alice and Rosalie on the sofa across from mine.

"Okay, what is there to talk about?" I asked, getting nervous. I was secretly praying to God that they didn't ask me anything about my past.

"How did you know what we were?" asked Alice, looking intently at my face. I stiffened, and tried to keep myself from freaking out. I went through my head, trying to figure out how to tell them.

"I," I started, and then closed my mouth.

"It's okay, take your time." Jasper said, sensing my discomfort. I smiled at him, still trying to figure out how to word my past experiences. It seemed impossible.

"I can't tell you everything." I said, looking at the floor, "it would be too painful." I said, wincing at what could possible happen. I would probably go into another panic attack, scaring them away from me. I shook the image out of my head and took a deep breath.

I can't believe I was doing this, I thought to myself. I had never told anyone, not even the police what they had actually done to me in that place.

"Last year, did you hear on the news about a group of people who were involved in something called the 'Black Massacre'?" I asked them.

"Yes, I can remember hearing about it on TV; it was all over the news." Jasper recalled a grimace on his face.

"Well," I started, "I was the only survivor." I felt the silence hang in the air, and looked at their shocked expressions.

"What do you mean? I thought they said on the news that there were not any survivors." Alice asked curiously.

"That is because I snuck away at the end. I broke through the window in my room, while they were killing everyone. I had to pile up dead bodies just so I could reach it. It was horrible. The people they killed, some were so young." I remembered, horror crossing my face, "Some were so, so young. I was locked in there for about seven months. I was starving, and hysterical. By the end I barely knew what was happening to me. All I knew was that I had to get out of there, or they would kill me like I saw them do the others." I shivered as the screams of the innocent that they killed echoed in my head. "They favored me, I would never know why. That was the only reason I stayed alive so long. They actually cared if I was about to die. They wanted me alive. They wanted me alive, so they could-could hurt me." I said the last word a dying whisper on my tongue. I looked at the floor, ashamed of my past. I couldn't tell them anymore, they memories were just too horrifying. The faces or the dead I used to reach the window would forever be etched in my mind, haunting me for as long as I lived.

"I am so sorry, Bella" Alice said, coming over to hug me. I melted into her cold arms.

"It's okay Alice. It is just that I am still recovering. It is so hard to forget. Every day I try to forget what they did to me, but sometimes I can't." I whispered. She held me for a few more minutes before I heard someone clear their throat. I looked across the room to find Emmett staring back at me.

"Sorry to break up this little love fest, but we have a bigger problem on our hands." He said, smiling apologetically, "Edward went to Italy." I heard Alice gasp beside me. The room was silent for about a minute before Jasper calmly broke the tension.

"Alice, take Bella home. We have a plane to catch." I looked at him confused.

"I saw him go, but I didn't know it would be so soon."Alice said, worry creased her features.

"Come on Bella," Rosalie ordered me, "We will bring you your truck before tomorrow morning. Right now, you have to leave."

Everything after that was in a daze. I vaguely remembered the car ride home and my trancelike state at dinner. I didn't have any homework, because I really didn't go to any classes. I hope they didn't tell Charlie about that. After dinner I told my dad I was going to take a shower and try to sleep.

After a long, hot shower I tried to sleep. It was useless. What did Alice mean when she said didn't know it would be so soon? And why in the world was Edward going to Italy? These thoughts raced through my mind throughout the whole night. I barely caught any sleep before the alarm clock in my room rang loudly. I groaned, today was going to be horrible. Not only was I the new girl at school, I was the new girl that disappeared on the first day. I rolled out of bed and reluctantly went to the shower.


	7. Chapter 7: Temptation

**i am so sorry that this chapter is so short! I just had to feed you something before i get sucked into school work for the next couple of days. during which i most likely will not be able to update, and for that i am truly sorry! i wish i could just stop school and write all the time! **

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE REVIEWS THAT I HAVE GOTTEN SO FAR! i am going to give everyone an ice cream sundae that has reviewed my story, and love to my very faithful reviewers! i love you all!  
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"No" Aro said, his eyes scrutinizing my figure, "I won't kill you."

"Why not?" I growled at him. That was not at all the answer I was looking for. I felt myself slide into the darkness of my mind when I realized that I was going to live.

"I don't want to kill you Edward," Aro simply stated, "It would upset Carlisle." He smiled at me and I could see the evil mischievous glint come towards his eyes.

"Plus," Aro stated, as if was as obvious as the weather, "Why would I kill you when you could join the guard with us?" His evil smile spread even more prominently across his face.

"I won't ever join the guard." I sneered at him, "So you might as well kill me."

"Edward, Edward, Edward," Aro said tantalizingly while walking towards me from the throne, "I wonder what is going on in that little head of yours." He then, quite like a child, balled up his fist and knocked me in the head, a smile full of amusement on his face.

"Ahh, there it is," Aro smiled, "a girl, and a human girl no less! You are such a queer creature, Edward. You have no reason to be ashamed of your actions. It is in your nature to want them. It is in your nature to want to feel their blood running down your throat." He said, his face almost touching mine, "Why don't you come with me so I can show you something?" I nodded, knowing that I didn't have a choice anyway. I tried to see where we were going from his mind, be he was diligently focused on something else, something way too personal for me to glimpse at again. I think he saw my disgusted expression because he chuckled quietly.

"Naughty boy Edward," he said, chastising me like I was his inferior, "you should know that I am not naïve enough to leave my mind open to you."

I sighed and looked ahead, memorizing where we were going. We would curve down the dark, damp hallways every now and then, going deeper down into the labyrinth of the Volturi. Soon, Aro stopped at a door, and I could hear the scrambled thoughts of others run through my mind.

"Surely you remember my brothers," Aro said, pointing at two intimidating figures through the door, "Marcus and Caius" I nodded my head as we entered the door.

"How are you Edward?" asked Caius. I just shrugged.

"Our friend Edward here wants me to kill him, but I told him there was no need to do that. Carlisle would be devastated." Aro explained.

"Why is that, Edward?" Marcus asked me, and I glared at him violently.

"No need to take it out on my brother Edward," Aro threatened, "As you recall, he is not the one that almost slipped up." I growled as a knowing smile slipped across all three of their faces.

"What do you mean, slipped up?" Marcus asked, feigning surprise, "He isn't supposed to eat humans, he is a Cullen." Marcus spat the name like dirt. I felt an involuntary rumble start deep in my chest before I could suppress it.

"Let us not get hasty, Edward." Aro said, "I still have yet to bring you to the feeding room." So that was where he was bringing me! It all clicked.

"Why are you bringing me there?"I asked, trying to search is mind and failing.

"I am going to give you a test," he simply stated, "I will kill you" he said, accentuating each syllable. I felt my whole body relax, the words sounded sweet to my ears, like honey to a bee.

"Now, Edward, don't get to excited I haven't told you what you have to do for me so I will kill you." A smile spread across his face slowly. I groaned, of course he wanted something from. Why would I think otherwise?

"In order for me to kill you," he said slowly, as if trying to make everything as painful as possible, "you have to kill and feed on the three humans locked in the feeding room."

I froze, why did it have to be that? I glared hatefully at Aro.

"So what will it be, Edward? Will you join us, kill innocent humans and die, or go back human to your pathetic existence?" Aro asked, venom lacing through his voice at the thought of my way of life.

I contemplated my choices for a while and looked Aro straight in the eye.

"You bastard" was the only thing that escaped my lips before I turned around and walked out of the room. I winded down the corridors, remembering the path that I had taken earlier with Aro. It wasn't long before I was out of the castle and into the fresh air of the city. I felt everyone's peering stares as I walked down the street and cursed my inhuman beauty. Why did I have to be such a vile creature?

I had wanted so bad to go into that room and kill every single human, just so Aro could kill me. I should have, I wouldn't remember it anyway once I was dead. But, I knew that I couldn't. I knew that I could never knowingly kill another innocent human being in my life. It would tear me up.

As i was contemplating all of this in my head, I heard a distinct voice ring out in my head.

_Thank God they didn't kill him! _Alice sighed in relief in her mind. I turned around to see not only her, but the whole Cullen family, except for Rosalie in front of me. I heard their worried thoughts become soothed as they all came to embrace me in their arms. I smiled, then asked the one question that has been plaguing my mind ever since I left town.

"Does Bella know?"


	8. Chapter 8: Disgust

**Curuia gets a triple double decker maple syrup sundae! From Quebec! That sounds so good to me, mostly because I am totally obsessed with maple syrup. I use it on everything, even stuff like toast and rice. **

**I am so fortunate to have so many reviewers! Thank you all soooo much for your dedication and I want to give you all a big hug!**

**and the review from invisible truths made me happy. btw, i love that song as well!  
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When I got to school I parked as close as possible to the school, so I could make a quick run to my car when the last bell rang. I put my car in park and took some deep calming breaths, praying to God that I wouldn't freak out again like yesterday.

I heard a car pull in by mine and saw that Rosalie was the only Cullen getting out of the family Volvo. That's weird, they are always together, I thought in the back of my mind. She must have seen the confusion on my face because she started to walk towards me gracefully, as if she were dancing. When she got to my car she grabbed the door handle and pulled open the driver seat's door, exposing me to the cold air. I shivered and pouted.

"Come on, Bella, we don't have all day." She complained. I nodded my head and grabbed my bags, stumbling a little on my way out the truck. She rolled her eyes and I blushed.

"Are you seriously that clumsy?" she asked in a disbelieving tone. I blushed harder and reluctantly nodded my head. She laughed and I hung my head in shame.

"I'm sorry," she said, between her laughter, "it is just you looked like you were confessing the murder of some poor person when you nodded your head."I scowled.

"I would never murder anyone." I said, defiantly. She turned her gaze towards me as we walked slowly towards the courtyard to wait for school to begin.

"Are you sure about that?" she asked doubtfully. I looked at her, shocked that she would ask such a ridiculous question.

"Of course I am sure? What kind of person murders people?" I asked, disgust lacing through my voice. She looked taken back and stopped.

"Good thing I am a vampire, huh?" she said in a cold voice. Crap, I cursed under my breath. There goes my only friend. Well, I guess she was more like an acquaintance, but she could still protect me better than anyone at school.

"Hey Bella!" said a cheery Eric Yorkie. I groaned, turning to face the man that probably told everyone what a freak I was.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing, better than yesterday I hope." He said, offering me a friendly smile. I noticed today how he kept his distance, careful not to touch me in any way.

"I am fine." I said, with a dismissive wave of my hand, "It is just sometimes I get little fainting spells. It happens to me all the time when I am nervous." He looked at me a little warily.

"Well, anyways," he started, "if you ever feel like you are sick or need anything you can always come to me and I will do my best to help you." I tried to smile at his ridiculous offer. I could imagine it now. I would be sitting at home at three AM, when all of the sudden a headache would appear. The first thing that crossed my mind would be to call Eric and ask him to give me some Advil. Most likely not.

"Sure" I said, and the bell rang. It startled me, like it always did and I willingly went past Eric to my first period class. I could practically hear the whispers from the other students as I walked down the hall towards my classroom.

"Hey, you are in my first period" said a girl in a very chipper voice. I turned around to see a mess of big brown girls and pink lip gloss. I rolled my eyes. Am I ever going to get one moment to myself?

"Yeah" I replied, rather unenthusiastically. She just smiled.

"My name is Jessica, let me walk you to your class." She said, signaling with her hand for me to walk beside her. After a few pleasantries, she immediately started to talk about boring things. Like what the latest celebrities have been doing and who in the school needs to learn the meaning of deodorant. I nodded my head in all the right spots as I took my seat in class.

"Alright class, settle down. It is time to begin today's lesson." the teacher said in a voice full of authority. I groaned silently as his statement started today's torture.

The last bell of the day rang, releasing me from hell; otherwise known as gym class. I smiled blissfully as I ran towards my car, hoping to get there before Rosalie got to hers. I really needed to apologize for what happened this morning.

As I was approaching my car I saw a flash of blonde hair out of the corner of my eye.

"Rosalie!" I yelled, trying to get her attention. She looked at me and ran towards her, tripping on a root when I was almost within reaching distance. I heard her sigh as she caught me before I hit the ground. Her hold on my arms was tight and uncomfortable. Just like his. I shivered and pushed the violent image out of my mind as quickly as I could.

"Are you okay Bella?"She asked, trying not to look concerned by my stupid antics. I nodded.

"I just wanted to apologize for what I said earlier." I said, looking ashamedly at the ground, "I didn't know what I was thinking when I said it, and I don't think you are an awful person."

"That is good to know." She said, not fully forgiving me, "That means there won't be any tension in the car when I take you to my house. The family is back, and they want to see you." I felt my eyes get wide.

"All of them?"I asked, hopefulness ringing through my voice, "even Edward?"

"Yes," she sighed, "even little emo Edward." I frowned and pictured Edward in baggy black pants with chains hanging down, black hair, and loads of eyeliner. I laughed, and Rosalie looked at me like I was insane.

"Sorry, I thought of something funny." I said, a blush coloring my cheeks. She continued to weigh out my answer in her mind, an amused expression crossing her face.

"Whatever Bella, I swear; you are the weirdest human I have ever met." I was shocked at her brashness. Was I really that weird? I felt my low self esteem go down to basically nonexistent.

"Is this your car?" I asked, motioning to the Volvo we were now approaching.

"No, it is Edward's car. I have a Mercedes." She said proudly. I pretended to look impressed. I really didn't care for cars, but from what I heard that was a pretty good model.

"What kind of Mercedes? A town car or one of those big SUV things?" she looked at me funny and started the short drive towards her house.

"You really don't know much about cars. I have a convertible, if you even know what that is." She snapped. I nodded my head and looked out the window at the blurring trees. I heard her put on a local radio station and sighed. We didn't talk the rest of the ride.

As we got closer to the Cullen household I could feel myself getting excited. I had no idea why; I had only just seen all of them the other day. If anything I should be dreading this visit because it will most likely end up with me telling about my awful past. I tried to weigh the differences of today's visit and last in my mind.

Well, first of all I didn't have a mental breakdown today. That was always a good reason to be excited. I mentally sighed at my stupid logic. The only other reason I could think of was that Edward was there, and that wasn't a good reason at all. It is not like he is my best friend. I mean, he tried to attack me! So why in the world was I excited to see him and better yet why couldn't I stop thinking about him all day and wondering what he was doing? I sighed at my mind's twisted ways.

I heard the crunching sound of twigs breaking as we speed down a long unpaved road. As we approached a big white house, I could practically feel my heart against my rib cage. I examined the beautiful structure before me, amazed that I didn't drink in all the details last time I was here. The house looked like it came out of a movie from the 1930s. The wood was painted white, giving it a very homey feel, while the blue shutters emphasized the grace and timeless beauty. I could tell just by looking at it that it had at least two stories, and probably an attic. I can't believe I didn't notice its beauty before; of course that was most likely due to the fact that I had been unconscious. I heard an amused chuckle and turned to see who made the noise. When I turned around there was none other than Edward Cullen and his god like beauty, with his perfect family standing behind him. I gasped at seeing so many inhumanly beautiful things in front of me.

The former recipient of my occupation was abandoned, leaving me openly gaping at the beautiful creatures before me.


	9. Chapter 9: Butterfly

**Here is the long awaited chapter! I hope you like it. i have no idea if it is good or not. I am just going to play it by ear, so please give me some feedback. thank you for reading and get ready to learn about the past life of Bella!  
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**i am pretty sure that the french is right, but if it isn't, please correct me. (*cough Curuia *cough) =]  
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"I know our house a little larger than normal, but that doesn't mean you can openly gape at it like that." Said a velvety smooth voice coming from Edward. I blushed and looked down.

"Sorry, you do have a beautiful house though." I tried to counter for my actions.

"Why thank you so much dear." A sweet motherly tone said, "I couldn't decide how I wanted the outside at first, but now I know I got it right." I gazed at the maternal vampire. She seemed very good natured and harmless. I smiled back at her.

"Ready to go in?" prompted Alice, impatient by all of the small talk." I took a deep breath and sighed. Well, it was now or never.

"Ready as I will ever be." I said under my breath. Immediately all of their heads turned to look at me. Damn vampires with their vampire hearing. I cursed them in my mind.

Suddenly Edward turned towards me, an expression of frustration evident on his face. I cringed. Was he going to hurt me? I closed my eyes and calmed my breaths, telling myself to forget about it. I opened them again, only to see he had moved closer to me, and was within reaching distance. I jumped and fell started to fall to the ground, but was caught in a pair of hard arms before I hit.

I yelped and shielded my hands over my head. Please don't hurt me, I chanted over and over again in my head.

"Bella," a gentle voice soothed, "It is okay, everything is okay. Just disregard my brother's idiotic behavior." I looked at the soft voice coming from Alice and nodded. I gazed hesitantly into Edward's eyes and saw that they were pitch black and clearly frustrated. I cringed and tried to break free of his hold.

"Edward!" Alice yelled, "What the hell are you doing?" With that I saw Edward visibly straighten up and gain his composure. When he looked at me again his eyes were back to their brilliant gold shade and wore a coat of regret around them.

"I am sorry Bella" Edward said sorrowfully, "I never meant to scare you. You see I have certain ability as a vampire, and it didn't seem to work on you." I heard gasps from the family. I shivered, glad at the thought of some strange ability being blocked by my fragile human state.

"What is your ability?" I asked, genuinely curious because it didn't work on me.

"I can read people's minds." He stated so simply, it was as if he was stating the weather. I stared at him, shock written all over my face.

"Hey! You aren't the only one who can do something cool!" Alice said, hoping to be included in the conversation, "I can see visions of the future, sort of like the outcomes of the decisions people make." I felt my jaw drop lower. It took me a couple seconds to quiet my racing mind.

"Anyone else have any cool powers?" I asked, feeling like a little kid playing a superhero game.

"Jasper can feel and manipulate emotions. He is an empath."Alice said in an excited voice. I groaned, that meant that I would never know what I was actually feeling around him. It sort of made sense though, like why I always felt at ease around him, also why he was always in the room when my breakdowns ended. I looked over at Jasper who was wearing a sheepish smile on his face.

"Let's GO!" Rosalie complained at us stopping once again before we got to the door. I felt relieved once we got through the door, glad that Rosalie didn't shoot me from her impatience.

"So, Bella," Carlisle said in business like voice, "tell me what exactly happens when you have panic attacks."

"I don't know." I said, thinking about the various ones I had since I came to Forks, "it usually starts out with someone reminding me something about my past. Then, my body just tries to defend itself from thinking about what happened. So, I guess I just freak out because I can't handle the rush of emotion that goes through me."

I saw Carlisle nod thoughtfully.

"What I think Bella," Carlisle said thoughtfully, "is that the only way to heal you is to first tell someone what happened in that um, place." I felt my eyes go big. "Then, you will start to heal. Keeping it all locked inside you is only making things worse." I gulped in a big breath of air and focused on my breathing.

"I have to tell someone" I said, my voice strained with the mere idea of speaking about what happened.

"You don't have to, but in order to start healing and stop having these panic attacks, I think it is something that you are going to have to do." The room got quiet; the only noise was my erratic breathing.

"I don't have anyone to tell" I said, almost mournfully.

"You could tell me!" Alice piped in, when the rest of the family looked at her she cringed, "uh, you could tell anyone of us. It doesn't have to be all of us. You could pick a person." The hope in her voice was almost enough to make me crack under the pressure.

I need to tell someone, I thought to myself. I have to. It is the only way that I am going to heal. But who? The only person in here that I could even begin to think about telling for some odd reason was the person I had spent the least time with. I am sure everyone would think me a freak if I picked them.

"It is okay, Bella" Jasper consoled me, "we don't care who you pick. It won't hurt any of our feelings if you don't pick one of us. Just pick the person whom you are must comfortable with. We want this to be easy for you." I exhaled a sigh of relief at his statement. I was worried about hurting someone's feelings, mainly Alice's. I bit my lip and contemplated over my options.

"Edward," I said almost silently, "Will you take a walk with me, please." I filled the last word full of hope, hoping he would forgive me for what I was about to put him through.

EPOV

I was shocked. She picked me? Why would she do that? Didn't she know I was the one that would most likely kill her? I thought for sure she would pick Alice or Rosalie. At least she had known them longer than me. I stared at her before I heard Jasper in the back of my mind.

_Answer her, Edward. She is getting worried._

His words brought me back to my present surroundings. I smiled as happily as I could and looked at Bella. I knew I shouldn't be so happy, but some irrational part of my mind was delighted.

"I would be delighted to." I stated, walking towards her slowly so I wouldn't scare her, also so I wouldn't attack her if her appetizing scent bombarded me. "Would you like to take a car ride to somewhere private?" She nodded her head. I gently but my hand on the small of her back and was shocked to see her only flinch a little. Usually movements like that caused her to freak out. Jasper must really be calming her down. When we got to the car I opened her door for her, and watched her slide in safely. I didn't want her to injure herself getting into the car. Her injured meant blood and her blood meant- STOP! I urged my mind. I will not attack her. I looked at her and felt my eyes going black. Hurry up and get in the damn car, Bella.

When she was safely seated I ran to my side of the car and cranked it up at vampire speed. I think I went a little too fast because I saw her jump when the car was running.

"Sorry" I said, trying to make up for my actions.

"It is fine, I am just a little jumpy" she replied, trying to reassure me with a smile. It didn't work.

"Where do you want to go to talk?" I asked her. Please don't say anywhere private. I really don't want to kill you.

"Somewhere where no one will hear us, I don't want any vampires listening." Shit. I nodded my head and thought of the perfect place. Of course, I could take her to my meadow. I smiled and started the short drive. I think I could handle it. I haven't killed her yet, that thought made me smile. The rest of the ride was spent in silence, each of us collecting our thoughts before we talked about her past. I looked at her face. It looked so innocent, so hurt, and so vulnerable. It broke my heart. She shouldn't have to go through anything that put her into pain. She was too perfect, too beautiful. And I wanted to kill her. I wanted to break her neck and drain her sweet blood into my mouth.

Stop Edward, I chastised myself in my mind. You can't have her, she is a human. I groaned, it isn't like she would want a selfish old vampire like me anyway. She was too good for me. I was an abomination and she was an angel. We didn't go together. I turned the corner leading into the woods and stopped the car.

"We might have to walk a little ways. I could always carry you and run you there. It would be much faster." She nodded her head, contemplating the options I sat before her. I mentally weighed which option would put her life in danger the least. If I carried her, I would be close to her, but it would be much faster than her walking. I think it was the winner. Plus, the wind would blow her scent out of the way. I looked at her and tried to mentally channel my thoughts. It is so annoying how I can't read her mind.

"How far away is it?" she asked, biting her luscious lips. Damn, that is sexy.

"Um," I said, trying to change the direction of my thoughts, "about three miles." Dear God, this woman is going to be the death of me. Now I am going to be a rapist and a murderer.

"Can we try the backpack thing?" she asked, apparently afraid to ask me for my help, "I don't want to be burden, though. I guess I could walk." She sighed and I chuckled. I looked her over. She couldn't weigh more than 115 pounds.

"I highly doubt your weight will even bruise my ability to run. Get on my back." I said, motioning towards me. She hesitantly stepped forward, making sure I wasn't joking.

"I am not going to hurt you Bella" I said softly, "I could never hurt you." Dear Lord, I better not hurt her, or I will rip your throat out when I am in heaven, if I go there. She looked at me and her eyes filled with hope. I felt something like a light shine through m veins. I felt as if I was…warm. Warm? What a mind boggling sensation. It was as if I was on fire, but it wasn't a bad fire, it was pleasant.

I smiled as I saw her advance towards me and stopped breathing as I carefully lifted her to my back. I could barely tell that she was there.

"Light as feather" I said with a cocky grin. She buried her face into my shoulder, and I felt a pang of guilt for not bringing her a jacket. My skin had to be cold and hard. I swore to myself I would remember next time. I took a small breath to allow myself to speak, and was immediately met by the aroma of her scent around me. I felt the venom pool in my mouth, urging me silently to suck her clean.

"Ready for takeoff?" I asked somewhat strained, she feebly nodded her head against my shoulder, leaving trails of warmth where her skin touched. I felt like I was going to float to the sky. I started to run, trying to make it as comfortable as possible for Bella. It also helped that when I ran her scent would trail behind me, leaving me with a path of fresh air. I inhaled deeply.

Sometimes I would forget that she was there on my back. It just felt so natural and so right for us to be together, and that worried me. I couldn't love her, I wouldn't. It would destroy her humanity. I set my face into a stubborn line as we arrived at the meadow. I heard Bella gasp at her surroundings.

BPOV

The meadow. I looked around me. Everything was perfect, in place. Exactly where it was supposed to be. The flowers had just bloomed on all the trees, leaving a fragrant smell. Lilies, roses, chrysanthemums, lilacs, daffodils, and every flower you can imagine was around us. I looked toward the sky, its rays of sunshine bringing warmth to my skin. The canopy of trees above us gave us just enough shade to stay cool. It was so peaceful, so beautiful. It held no pain, it had no secrets. It was so real, so natural and so innocent that it blew my heart away.

"It's beautiful" I said, slowly walking around to admire the flowers, "There is nothing more innocent than a flower. So pure, so beautiful." I murmured quietly touching the soft petals of the lilies in front of me. A snow white hand came into my vision, picking one of the flowers from the ground. I looked at Edward as he tucked the flower behind my ear. I felt a blush rise towards my cheeks. His eyes started to darken.

"I am sorry" I whispered. He looked shocked.

"Why on earth would you be sorry?" he asked in a flabbergasted voice.

"I made you mad." I said, he looked confused, "Don't play dumb, I saw your eyes. They got darker. That means you are mad." I looked towards the ground, hoping he wouldn't get even madder.

"Bella, look at me" he pleaded. I obliged, and gasped when I saw his eyes were back to a light topaz.

"I am not mad at all. I am just resisting your blood." I flinched.

"I don't quite understand" I said, the words slowly forming on my lips.

"Do you know about our diet?" he went on before I answered, "we are vegetarian vampire, Bella. We don't eat human blood; we eat the blood of animals." I nodded, trying to grasp this information. That was so…nice of them. I nodded my head, furrowing my brow in confusion. I heard him sigh.

"How do I explain this to a human?" I heard him ask himself. "Have you ever done drugs Bella?" he suddenly asked. I looked at him shocked.

"No, why in the hell are you asking?" I asked him. I saw him grin, apparently amused at something he was thinking.

"Have you ever known anyone who was addicted to drugs?" I nodded my head, thinking about my former classmates in Phoenix that were potheads.

"Okay, think about them on a day when they really wanted their fix."

"Um, okay." I said, questioning his sanity with my voice.

"Well, metaphorically let's pretend that I am addicted to drugs. Except my drug is human blood. But like all drugs, human blood is bad to consume or shoot up." He chuckled at his logic. "So, I try not to do drugs. I, metaphorically come across drugs every day at school. You being one of them. But the thing with you is that you are not just any drug. You are the drug that I got hooked on. You are like pot to potheads. I would do any drugs, but I prefer to do you. But, I can't have you. Or you would die." I thought it all over in my mind. My thoughts were shooting past me like bullets on a battlefield.

"So, I am like a brand of blood that is especially made for you? I am like irresistible to your nature?"

"Sort of." He said, "If you were locked in a room with your favorite food and another food, and you hadn't been feed in days, which one would you choose?"

"My favorite" I said, thinking about baklava.

"Exactly. That is sort of like your blood to me, but way less painful." I looked at him, and found new respect. He would go through all of that just to be around me?

"Don't look so shocked. Anyways, enough about me. Let's start with you." I groaned inwardly and tried to stop the unwanted images from flashing across my mind.

"It started when I was going home from school." I said, conjuring up the vivid memory in the back of my mind. "I walked home that day because my car was in the shop. I remember deciding to take the short cut through the bad part of town, it ended up being a decision I regret to this day." I smiled coldly, "I only did it because I had barely gotten any sleep the night before and I wanted to get home as fast as I could. I needed to sleep desperately."

"I remember walking down the street, when all of the sudden this beautiful, pale man appeared in from of me from nowhere. I thought he was a ghost at first, especially because of his red eyes. I remember feeling scared and trying to act like he wasn't there, but he just keep looking at me. He kept following me. I was beginning to panic." I said, gulping at the raw feelings I was feeling now. Edward must have seen the pain on my face because he came and wrapped his arms around me. I tried to break out of his gasp as a reflex reaction, but then melted into his chest.

"When I rounded a corner, I saw him start to walk towards me. That was when I knew he wasn't a ghost. That was when I knew he was really there. I started to run as fast as I could, but he caught me almost instantly. I was shocked, he was so far away, and I barely had run ten feet, yet he held me in his arms. I remember looking up at him and seeing him smile. It made me feel sick to my stomach.

'Darling, don't you worry,' he told me, running his fingers across my throat, 'we are going to take good care of you.'

"After that I think I black out because I don't remember anything other than waking up in a strange room. I thought I was dreaming, and then I felt them. I felt the straps cutting into my wrist and legs. They were strapping me to the table. I screamed and tried to wiggle out of them. I felt them cut harder into my skin." I gulped, looking down at the faint scars on my wrists. Edward ran his cold fingers around them and I gasped at his gentle touch. He pulled is hand away quickly.

"I am so sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to hurt you." I could feel the shame in his voice.

"No, you didn't hurt me at all" I reassured him, "just startled me a bit." I blushed and looked at the ground. I decided to finish my story.

"So I woke up strapped to this table and looked around the room. I was scared. I remember starting to cry when I realized what happened. Then, I heard _them_." I tried to stop the tears from pooling in my eyes.

"Who is _them_ Bella?"

"There were my masters." I said, a stray tear falling out my eye, "I had to serve them. Or I would die." I felt Edward stiffen his hold on me, pulling me closer into his chest.

"If they _ever_ show their face again," he began, his voice seething with anger, I tried to move away from him, "I will personally rip them apart piece by piece. They will suffer the most painful death anyone has ever endured." I cringed into my own body, he meant every word.

"When they saw I was awake, they made me do tasks for them. They were simple at first, like mop this, sweep that, but overtime they got more and more dangerous as time went on. I started counting days, I got to about fifty and then I stopped. I remember one day on the list they put help them get dressed. I thought it was a mistake, so I went to ask them about it." I felt the tears starting to fall down my face, and Edward held me closer, "They told me they never made mistakes, and they always meant what they put on the list. And sure enough, they made me help them get dressed. After, they said they wanted to return the favor. So they brought out some clothes. It was a maid outfit. I tried to get them to stop, but they ripped my clothes off. Then, they put the maid outfit on me." I heard Edward growl menacingly from his throat.

"What happened next?" he asked, anger wrapping around his voice.

"Well, they didn't bother to give me any um, undergarments, so I basically only had this little maid outfit on doing all their chores. It went like that uneventfully for about a week until they brought others to the lair. Other humans. They were all girls except for one boy named Jacob. He started to like me, we remained friends throughout the whole time we were stuck in their custody." I felt a stray tear chill my cheek as I thought about Jacob.

"Anyways, like I said, they would give me these chores list, and at the end of them they would always tell me to go to the kitchen so I could get my daily meal. It was only a piece of bread and a glass of water. As time went on, I got weaker and weaker, and the maid outfit got bigger and bigger. Until one day, they made me dress them again, and this time, they didn't even hesitate to rip off my clothes. I tried to cover myself, but they tied my hands above my head and tied the rope to a bed. Then, they gave me a choice. I could either sleep with them in their bed that night, doing god knows what, or I could sleep on the ground beside them with their dogs, naked in the freezing cold air." I thought I heard something break beside me but I wasn't sure. I was too enraptured in my story to care.

"I slept on the ground for a week, and they only feed me every other day. They threatened that if I didn't sleep in their bed they were going to stop feeding me. I could feel all of the strength go out of my body, as I sat there laying limp on the floor day after day. The worst part was seeing them go out and gather up humans, only to bring them back to their chamber and suck their blood in front of me." Edwards' grip tightened protectively around my waist.

"Then, they invited their vampire friends to their lair, and one bit me." I heard Edward's intake of breath beside me. "James, my captor went frantic. He finally came up with the idea to suck out the venom as they later explained. It felt like I was on fire. When they sucked it all out I remember them laughing, their expression of pure amusement looking down on me. I started to scream and wouldn't stop, not even when they asked me too, so they beat me. They said they wanted to see my blood run down my body. They told me they thought it was sexy. Then, they forced me on the bed, and one by one, took turns licking the blood off my body and r-raping me." I sobbed harder, my vision blurring around the edges. "I had never been so scared in my life. I remember screaming the whole time for them to stop hurting me. They only thought I could conjure in my mind, the only sentence that would pop into my head was 'Please don't hurt me again.' So, that was the only thing I said, throughout my whole time during my captivity. Every day when he would give me a chore list, it would always end with me returning to his room. He wouldn't force me upon him every night, but if he didn't I was tied to the floor. I was like a dog to him. He even feed the dogs better than me, Edward. They got steak, and all I got was bread and water. If I even tried to eat their stake, he would slap me. I was so hungry. I was so tired. I was so used, I couldn't function. I lost track of time and sooner or later he got bored with me and threw me in another room."

"This one had Jacob in it. He was my reason for living. I couldn't leave this earth and have Jacob, poor Jacob alone in this hell house. I had to stay alive for him, I was too afraid to die. I was too weak to move, but I couldn't die. When my master's saw my condition they gave me a little more to eat. Instead of one piece of bread a day I got two. I also got milk. I slowly got a little strength back and could function. Then, they moved me to the next floor. The floor where they experimented on live human bodies." I stole a look at Edward and didn't move. He didn't say anything. He just stood there, looking into the distance. I decided that I had to continue, I had to get this story out of my system before it was forever engraved into my being.

"They would give me a list every day. I was the cleanup crew after their experiments. I was the one who would clean up the brains, and the guts. I was also the one who had to watch them kill everyone. I was the one who had to stand, frozen from fear in the corner of the room watching them kill an innocent victim before my eyes. I wanted to help them so bad, but I couldn't. I couldn't move because I was too scared. I thought they were going to hurt me if I moved, I was a coward Edward. I didn't do anything as they killed. I didn't do anything as the victims yelled out to me for my help. All I could do is stand there and look at them blankly, watching the light leave their eyes. Then, they brought Jacob in."

"I think they did it for some sort of personal joke. They wanted some kind of reaction from me, so they brought the only person that I was living for in to be tormented in front of my eyes. I couldn't watch. I couldn't think, all I could do was watch as they cut him open, the blood pouring everywhere. I remember him calling my name. I can still hear his screams echoing through the rooms at night. I remember him telling me to get out of here and live for him. I remember his last words. I didn't know it them, but they were a clue as to how to get out of that place. His last words were 'Mettez les corps sous la fenetra'. Later that night I remembered something when I was thinking in my master's bed. Jacob and I had a conversation when we first met. He was teaching me some French to get rid of my wondering thoughts. He taught me everything he knew. One day we were discussing houses and told me how to say things in every house. 'Mettez les corps sous la fenetra' was French for put the corpses under the window. My mind started to race. I thought that that was my only hope of escape, so I went to work. After each person they killed, I would stack them in a certain room with a window. I wouldn't place them under the window to give away my plan but around the room. The window was so high it took me around two months to get enough bodies. Then, one night I decided to sneak into the room when they were out hunting for more victims on one of their forty eight hour trips. It took a whole day to get the rid of their rope handcuffs. I had to use my own blood as a lubricant on my skin so they would slide off my hands. When I finally got them off I knew that both of my thumbs were broken, they were sticking out at odd angles." I shuddered violently at the memory, tears streaming faster and faster down my face.

"Then, I ran to the room and started to stack and stack bodies. It felt like it took forever. For everybody that I stacked, I could still remember their individual screams. I could still hear them pleading for me to help them. I almost didn't finish. I couldn't bear to lift up any more bodies. My arms were aching, and my mind was spent. I remember the last body I lifted to the top of the pile. It was a little girl that was around the age of five. I can remember crying for her as I tugged her precious corpse to the top of the pile, hearing her bone chilling screams of agony in my ears. I remember placing her on the top of the pile and falling to my knees in agony. So much pain was in this little room. So much loss, so much heart aches. It wasn't fair that I was the only one to escape. I almost decided not to leave, but then I saw a butterfly through the window. It was a beautiful shade of blue. It reminded me of the ocean breeze. Most importantly it reminded me of freedom, and I couldn't resist."

"I was captivated. It looked like it was calling me towards it, and all I could do was follow. I left that wretched place by smashing the window to pieces and falling down about twenty five feet. I later found out that the fall broke both of my feet. At the time I didn't notice, all I knew was I needed to follow that butterfly. I had to as if my life depended on it. So, I did. I don't know how long I followed it, but I later found out that I ended up thirty miles from where I was held captive. I remember when the butterfly flew into the sky and left me all alone in the rain. I finally realized what I had done, and whom I had left behind."

"I realized all of those bodies were not only killed by my captors, but I helped to kill every single one of them. Simply because I stood there and did nothing when they were tortured in front of me. I was devastated. I needed to find a way to end my pain. I needed to find a remedy; I needed to find my butterfly. I searched frantically. I could never find it. I don't remember much after that. I just remember seeing a gas station and running towards it. There was a man filling up his tank of gas when I got there. He looked at me like I was insane. I tried to explain things to him, so he told me he would go inside and see if he could get me anything to eat. Then, I passed out. Before I passed out I remember seeing a flash of ocean blue and thinking to myself that I am finally free."


	10. Chapter 10: Fire and Ice

**thank you for all of the reviews from the last chapter. I know you probably all are wondering about a lot of things. just ask me and i will tell you, if it doesn't ruin the story. **

**Just to clear things up, Bella didn't go over EVERYTHING that happened while she was in custody. She went through several more torture things (like the scar on her neck from the first chapter), she just didn't tell Edward everything, or they would have been there forever. Also because she can only handle so many memories at once. I am trying to make this story as real as possible, and i hope it feels like it could have actually happened! Thank you and enjoy!  
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EPOV

I was beyond shocked. This innocent little child had gone through all of that? I looked down at her in amazement and realized she was sobbing quietly into my chest.

"Bella…"I said softly, "I am so sorry" All of things she said started to slowly replay themselves in my head. I could feel myself getting angrier by the second. How dare those _things_ put her through that type of torture? They had to be punished. They had to be ripped apart as slowly and as painfully as possible. And I had to be the one to do it.

"What were their names Bella?" I demanded. I needed to know who I was going to kill for causing this angel so much pain.

"Laurent, Victoria, and… J-James" she stuttered fearfully through her sobs. I rocked her gently against my chest, trying to soothe her with my touch.

"Bella, I am going to take you back to the house. Can you get on my back?" I asked her, making sure not to make any sudden movements. She nodded. As soon as she got on I whizzed through the forest as fast as I could, dodging obstacles the whole way. I ignored the car and headed straight towards the house. I couldn't waste any time if I wanted to kill them. Or else I might change my mind and chicken out. I could hear Bella's broken sobs from behind me reminding me of her pain. I ran faster.

"Alice!" I said once we were in hearing range, "Take Bella. I have some things I have take care of." She ran out quickly and grabbed Bella, causing her to wince a little.

"I said carefully" I snapped loudly. Alice looked at me and glared. I read her mind to see what happened while I was gone, but she was repeating the same phrase.

_Edward, I don't think you should go off yet. I had a vision of what happened, you can't just leave her like this._

She didn't understand. Every second I was getting angrier and angrier. I had to kill something, I had to harm someone.

"I will be back." I sneered venomously at Alice, "I told you that I have to do something." She flinched at my harsh tone but reluctantly turned around to let me leave. I bolted towards the forest a couple miles and then stopped.

Sobs started to come from me, shaking my body. All I could think about was what happened to Bella. I started to pull the trees from the ground, ripping them to pieces and getting angrier by the second. I pretended they were Bella's captors. They deserved to die. Everyone deserved to die that harmed Bella in any way. I vowed to myself then and there that anyone who harmed Bella in _any_ way was going to be torn apart by me. I laughed at the pictures in my head of me hurting them. I had to hurt them. They would receive the pain they caused Bella tenfold. They deserved it. I laughed at the pain I caused in my mind.

I ran faster, punching trees and causing a path of destruction wherever I went. The world deserved pain. It made Bella hurt, so now it was going to hurt just as bad. Karma is a bitch, and now it is the world's turn to hurt.

I let out an evil laugh as I smashed the flowers and signs of life around me. I mercilessly killed any animal that crossed my path. I could feel my whole being becoming relieved by each thing I destroyed. I thanked God that something was as in as bad a pain as Bella. I destroyed the innocent animals, ripping off their heads and greedily gulping in their blood. I felt some drip down my face, but didn't wipe it away. IT was proof of my victory. Then, I went back towards our meadow.

I saw the innocent flowers swaying gracefully in the wind. I could smell the delectable animals basking in the warmth of this fine fall day. I smiled to myself. Then, I headed towards a nest of baby birds in the tree. I looked at all their smiling innocent faces. They didn't deserve happiness. If Bella didn't have it, no one could. I tore the nest from the branch and wringed the birds necks one by one. I felt an odd sense of happiness when I heard the soft thud of their bodies hitting the ground.

The wind shifted and a familiar scent approached me as I was basking in my victory.

"Edward," Jasper said hesitantly, "calm down. It will all be fine." I turned and gave him a threatening glare. I ran towards him and clamped my hand around his throat, shaking him back and forth in my fury.

"FINE?" I yelled into his face, "Nothing is ever going to be fine! NOTHING!"

I felt his webs of calmness crawl towards me like poisonous spiders hunting for their prey.

"Don't you DARE try to calm me down Jasper!" I yelled at his face, grabbing his throat harder, "don't you dare."

_Edward, _I heard him plead in my mind, _you are hurting me._

I felt my hold slacken as I fell to the floor and started to shake.

"She doesn't deserve it, Jasper" I said, hoping with my whole being that it was all a dream, "she doesn't deserve it."

"I know, but the past is in the past. The only thing we can do now is try to make it as easy as possible for her." I looked at my brother and saw him rubbing his neck, wincing a little at the pain I caused him. I sighed.

"I am sorry," I said, ashamed from my actions, "I lost control" He nodded.

"I understand. For a second there I thought I was a goner." He mumbled. I looked at him pleadingly, begging for him to understand. He nodded as another thought crossed my mind. In all of the madness I had completely forgotten the person I was avenging. Bella. I looked at Jasper, and he froze sensing my change in emotion.

"Is she bad?" I asked. We both knew who I was referring to. I saw him cringe as he tried to block his mind.

"Jasper, is she okay?" I asked, my voice rising to a hysterical level.

"S-she fainted." He said, shielding his eyes from me by looking at the ground.

"What are you hiding?"I demanded from him viciously.

"Nothing." He said, trying to sound convincing I searched his mind. He was thinking innocently about Alice.

"Tell me!" I yelled at him, "please" I added softly when I saw him flinch. He hesitated.

"She fainted after you left." I nodded, "she asked us where you were, and when we told her you weren't here she nodded her head."

"Then what happened?" I asked, he was still blocking my mind from the images.

"Right before she fainted she said" he started to trial off, looking at me to make sure I was stable.

"Tell me What. She. Said." I said slowly, taking the time to convey a threat in each word. He stared at me with an expression of pure pity on his face.

"She said 'Of course he wouldn't want me'" he whispered, it was barely audible as the wind engulfed his words into its unforgiving torrents.

I froze and felt so much pain rake through my body that I feel on my knees. I had made her think I hated her by leaving. I was a monster. I deserved to die. I deserved all of those painful deaths I thought up for others. This can't be happening. I should have killed those humans at the Volturi, and then I wouldn't have caused this whole mess. I had to make her whole again. I had to tell her otherwise.

I got up and started to run as quickly as I could towards the house. I needed to see Bella, and I needed to see her soon. She had to believe me. She just had to.

"EDWARD!" I heard Jasper yell behind me, "Don't go inside!"

I ignored his protests and started to run faster towards the house. I felt the wind blowing past me wildly, and I could smell my former trial. I followed it for a while and could still hear Jasper screaming something behind me. It didn't matter what he said. I had to get to Bella. I had to get to her so I could reassure her I wanted her. I needed her. I had to – Then, I smelt it.

The most appetizing scent I had ever smelt. Bella's blood. All of the sudden Jasper's protests stopped, engulfed further by the unforgiving wind. I started running faster towards the house. Faster towards the sweet liquid that awaited me when I got there.

I felt something hard as rock collide with my chest. I looked down snarling at my attacker. He had me pinned to the ground. I tried to push him off me, but another one came to help him hold me down. I twisted and turned, I had to get away from them. I needed her blood. My snarls got more vicious as I tried to bite them. One punched me in the side of my face. My whole world shook at the punch and spots came across my vision. Then I heard a familiar voice.

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" Emmett yelled, "We already have enough problems without you trying to kill everyone!" I froze as I realized my actions.

"GOD DAMN IT!" I cursed loudly into the night. "WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE MY SINGER? MY GOD, COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN JESSICA OR SOMEONE REMOTELY LESS APPEALING?!" My two brothers stared at me in shock.

"Bella is you singer?" Emmett asked, memories of his singers running through his mind. He smiled fondly at the memories.

"Yes she is Emmett," I hissed, "I would appreciate it if you didn't replay those memories in your mind. Especially right now."

"Oh, sorry man." He said, holding up his hands as an innocent gesture.

"That sure explains a lot" Jasper mumbled to the ground.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked Jasper, testily.

"Well, it certainly explains the fact why you are so obsessed with her." I gaped at him.

"I am not obsessed with her!" I defended myself, "I just don't like seeing her get hurt." He looked at me disbelieving.

"Edward, don't get any ideas in your head about her. It wouldn't be a good relationship for either of you. You don't know what is talking; it could be your nature or your heart. You might just want her blood."

I thought his words over in my head as we headed back towards the house. He had a point; I might just subconsciously be obsessed with her well being because her blood is calling to me. Maybe I just want to protect her so in the end I can be the one to kill her and drink her up. I groaned. To think I had actually liked a human for themselves. It was such an in your face answer that I am surprised I didn't come up with it. I wasn't falling in love; I was just fascinated and obsessed with Bella's blood.

Well, that certainly made things easier for both of us. Now, she wouldn't have to risk her life just to hang out with me. We could still be friends, just not on an intimate level. I could never do anything with her; or it might just be the end of her.

I felt myself sadden at my sudden realization. I would never be able to touch her luscious lips, never be able to feel her soft skin press against my ice cold body. We were complete opposites, fire and ice. We couldn't live with each other, or one would die. But we couldn't live without each other, or the other would never exist.


	11. Chapter 11: Numb

**Here is the next chapter! Thank you to all those who have reviewed (especially my faithful reviewer). I hope you like this chapter, and have a good MLK Day!  
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BPOV

I woke up from my nightmare screaming. I had been having a lot of them lately, ever since my little incident at the Cullen house. This particular one was about one of the times James used me instead of other captors for his little experiments. I looked down and my calf, examining the deep scar.

Images of James hovering over me, pulling out a nail and jamming it into my calf clouded my vision. He had told me that he wanted to see if nailing a nail into my calf would disable my ability to walk. In the end it didn't matter, I passed out from all the blood before he could even try to get me to walk. I shivered and felt a sweat break out on my face.

I really needed to stop thinking about my past. It wasn't healthy, though I could handle a lot more than I used to when I first came to Forks. In the three weeks that I have been here, I felt like I have started to slowly move on from my horrifying past. It was all because of Edward.

His felt like a million pieces of glass tearing through my veins. He hasn't talked to me since the day I passed out in the Cullen house. I landed on the corner of their coffee table, busting my head open and sending blood everywhere. I later heard that Edward had tried to attack me, as had Jasper. They had to hold them back while I was being stitched up unconscious.

Edward had told me all of this when I woke up. He had been there for me and reassured me that everything was going to be okay. When I got to school the next day he wasn't there. He didn't come back the whole week, and I was pretty sure that I had something to do with it. I drove him off. I was weak and useless. He was too good for a used toy like me. I didn't deserve him.

The hardest part is seeing him every day at school, especially in Biology. I thought I had a connection with him, I thought that he could complete me. I was wrong. It was all just fun and games to him. I didn't matter. God, my life is so depressing. No one wanted me, except for Alice. She was the only one I was living for. As if she could read minds my phone rang, signaling on the screen that Alice was calling. I sighed.

"Hello Alice" I said, it sounded distant even to me.

"Do you want to spend the night tonight? Pleaseeee!" she urged me over the phone. I thought this over in my head. It was a Friday and I had nothing better to do. Charlie was gone for the weekend and I would be alone at my house bored anyway.

"Sure" I said, starting to forage around my room for clothes to bring.

"YAY!" she shouted, and I pulled the phone away from my ear, "We are going to have so much fun with Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Edward! I already have games planned out!" I froze, did she just say Edward?

"E-Edward?" I stuttered out.

"What's wrong Bella? You don't like my brother? I guess he doesn't have to play if you don't want him to." She inquired innocently.

"NO!" I shouted, "Your brother is fine, he can play if he wants. It is just I don't think he would play seeing as he doesn't like me very much." I added, Alice could be so stupid.

"What are you talking about? Edward likes you a lot, Bella." Alice said, confusion laced in her voice.

"Well, then why has he been ignoring me for the past three weeks?" I asked, my voice laced with venom.

"I am sorry about that Bella, but he doesn't hate you at all. He thinks he is doing it for your own good. He claims you are too good for him." I laughed at the stupid proposition.

"You must be joking" I said into the phone, "Edward detests me, he treats me like an annoying human girl that has to be dealt with." I heard Alice sigh and say something like I told you so to someone that was with her.

"Fine, if you don't believe me I will have to get Edward to tell you himself."

"Alice!" I pleaded, "Please don't bring your brother into this! He will only think that I am even more of a freak!"

"Nonsense, Bella." I groaned, "Look, just be here in twenty minutes of I will personally tell him about this conversation." I looked at the clock, it was seven.

"Alright, you are on, Bye!" I yelled, throwing the phone on the bed and quickly packing my bags for the stay at the Cullen's. I left Charlie a note, just in case he came back for some odd reason and found me gone.

When I got into the truck I looked at the clock. It was only eight past seven. I had twelve minutes to get to their house. I started my truck with a loud rumble and rushed quickly to the other side of town, frowning at the darkness of the night. It was a new moon, how depressing. New moons were the dark before the light. I felt like I had been stuck in one for my whole life, trying to climb out. The problem was I had been stuck in the darkness so long I forgot what the light is. I groaned at my stupid life and then chastised myself for my emo ways. There were plenty of other people who had it worse than me, right? I couldn't think of any, except maybe the people in communist countries who had to do everything their government told them.

I knew what that felt like. I knew exactly what it felt like to have all your freedom and free will taken from you. I guess that it isn't as bad when you are born into a society that takes away free will. Because you have never tasted freedom, you just think it is the normal way of life, being forced to do something you hate. It was different for me, I knew freedom, I had tasted it and craved its addicting aroma the whole time I was captive. I knew what life was like on the other side. I had lived it, and then it was taken from me, only to be reached in the form of a tiny window, underneath it laying the bodies of all those that had to die for my freedom. Of all those unwilling victims I had killed, just so I could taste freedom again, just so I could smell the air around me and know I am free. I was an addict and a murderer. I was selfish. But most importantly, I was free. And it broke my heart to say it.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize I had passed the turn to the Cullen's driveway and had kept going down the never ending forest road that led to their house. I cursed under my breath and immediately started to turn around. I heard a loud cracking noise under my tire and looked out the window, letting the cold air seep into my truck. I had run straight into a barb wire fence, and the barbs were now mercilessly protruding my tires.

This is just grand, I thought to myself sarcastically. Now, not only do I not know where the hell I am, my car won't work. I banged my head against the steering wheel, and jumped when my horn went off. I looked out the window towards the birds that were flying overhead because of my disturbance. I even ruined their night. I looked at the clock on my dashboard. It was exactly seven twenty. I guess Alice is telling Edward all about our little conversation right now. I groaned, what a way to get someone to like you.

I searched my suitcase for my cell phone, praying to God I somehow managed to conjure it up with my mind in the last three minutes. I knew exactly where it was, right on my bed where I threw it after I hung up on Alice. Damn it.

I got out of the car. I couldn't have driven that far down the road. It was probably only about a mile before I ran into the fence. It would be almost easy to walk. I shivered as the cool fall air swirled around me, blanketing the dark night further into its endless depths. I grabbed my overnight bag from my truck and started walking the opposite way from where my truck was headed, hoping that the Cullen house was just around the corner.

I squinted into the dark night and started to sing old nursery rhymes in my head to distract me from the lurking figures I conjured up in my mind. About five minutes into my walk I started to feel the first signs of rain. Just my luck, it hasn't rained in about three days and the one time I get lost the world decides to weep. I shivered as I felt the cold spheres of ice hit my face. Where the hell was the Cullen house? Shouldn't they have seen me by now with their whole vampire family of magical gifts? I started walking faster and faster, until I was sprinting through the forest, running away from the horrifying shapes.

I felt my breathing get heavier, like it was in sync with the pouring rain. My clothes were soaked through and I could see the cracks of lightning in the sky, momentarily illuminating the darkness around me. I yelped when I thought I saw a wolf like form peering over the edge of an oncoming hill. The next bolt of lightning realized that I had only been imagining it or worse, it had moved.

I felt my mind go into overdrive as it came up with vivid mental pictures of headlines on newspapers their headlines all about a girl that mysteriously went missing one dark night in the woods. I heard a ruffling of leaves beside me and froze in my tracks. It is just the wind, it is just the wind. I slowly turned my body towards the sound and exhaled in relief when nothing was there. Get a grip, I told myself. Who the hell would even be in Forks that is harmful anyways? They back of my mind screamed three names I have been trying so long to forget. Laurent. Victoria. James. The last one was a mere whisper in my mind, chilling me to the bone. I started to frantically run faster, dropping my bag so I could have more speed.

Then, I heard the soft patter of footsteps behind me. My blood went cold. I couldn't move, I couldn't function.

"H-hello" I called out into the night, my voice sounding like a weak child's.

"Hello there precious" a voice reverberated through the darkness. I screamed and started to sprint faster, feeling my breath come out in frantic huffs.

"Don't be like that, I just want to play" the voice in the darkness said, giving me a sickening feeling. I looked behind and saw the man was running towards me, gaining speed. I tried to run faster but my attempts failed when my foot caught on a branch, sending me sprawling into the unforgiving ground. I yelped in pain when my knee landed hard on a rock. I clutched it to my chest.

"There we go," the man said, reaching out to push my hair out of my face.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"I screamed at him violently. Please don't let him hurt me, I can't take it anymore. Tears started to well up in my eyes and run down my face.

"I just want to talk to you. I just want to look at you." The evil man said, his voice sounding rough and charred. It sounded like it took great efforts for him to even speak. I flinched at his words, curling up into a ball.

"Don't be scared" he whispered, and started to unzip my coat, "I just want to look at you. Is it a crime to look at someone?" he asked me, his black eyes roaming down my body. His shakily took off my jacket and started to pull up my shirt, exposing my bra.

"There, there," he said, patting my head, "I am not going to hurt you, don't be afraid. I just need to look at the body of the women; I just need to see it. I won't bite." I screamed as he tried to unzip my pants. The cold air made goose bumps rise over my body, and my whole being went numb. I could my breath in the night, getting more frantic with each passing second. The man stared at me through his dark hair and eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. He almost looked sad. I reached out to touch his face, and his eyes got big.

All the sudden I was pushed out to the way and a loud smack ran through the air, followed by the sound of crunching bones. I looked towards it and saw Edward Cullen, his hand clamped around the stranger's neck.

"Don't you dare touch her!" he yelled into the man's face. I could see his ghostly glowing through the darkness. He then grabbed the man's head in both hands and detached it from the rest of his body. I screamed into the dark night, fear overtaking my form. It was too much to handle, the blood, the death; it all reminded me of my past.

I felt the freezing cold weather shake through my body, leaving me numb to everything around me. I screamed and sobbed for the man, he didn't deserve it, and he was only looking. Like he said, looking at someone isn't a crime. I buried myself harder into Edward's chest. I didn't even remember how I got there. All I remember was the innocent man's body falling to the ground, headless. I sobbed harder and realized we were approaching the house. Edward brought me to the bathroom, cuddling me closer to his chest.

"I am so sorry" he said, it sounded like he was crying. I looked at his anguished face and cried harder. It is my entire fault, everything is my fault.

"It is my entire fault," Edward said, continuing, "I will do anything within my power to make it up to you. Please don't hate me, Bella. I couldn't live if you hated me." His words were soaked in such pain and anguish that I started to cry harder. He held me closer.

"I don't expect you to talk to me for a long time after tonight. I don't expect you to talk to me ever again. I just wanted you to know Bella that I care about you, and everything that I have done over the past three weeks was a lie. I thought I was protecting you. I was so wrong" his eyes filled again with pain as he stared painfully into my body's core. I couldn't speak, I couldn't function. It was all happening so fast that I couldn't comprehend one thing to the next. I simply nodded my head as my mind raced wild.

"Alice will bring you some clothes. Take a shower." Edward croaked with all hope gone from his voice, I looked at him as he exited the room. I opened my mouth to speak but the words wouldn't come out. I didn't remember how to talk.

I sat on the counter for what seemed like years. I just sat there, doing nothing, feeling nothing. Sooner or later I subconsciously decided to get in the shower. I turned it up all the way and felt the painfully hot water scald my skin. Tears ran down my face, never ceasing to end. They were my only comfort from the hot water. My cold, salty tears. I was afraid that if I stopped crying, I would burn in this shower for the rest of my life. I would spend the rest of my days shriveling up into a prune, turning into nothing.

It seemed like eternity before the water got cold. But even then my tears wouldn't stop. Except this time, every tear that ran down my cheek added to the cold. Every tear that ran down my cheek helped to freeze my body further, until I couldn't feel anymore. I then lay down on the tiles, not feeling the indentions they were marking into my back.


	12. Chapter 12: Smile

**Here is the next chapter! Please review and tell me what you think, and cookies and ice cream(or syrup to those whom prefer) who reviewed! it helps me write a whole lot faster. =]**

**-Kimberly  
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**BPOV**

I woke up from the night before and gasped. Had all of that really happened? I shook my head to clear it from the haze of sleepiness and got out of bed. I groaned as I stretched my legs, they were sore from all of the running I did last night. I also noticed a sharp pain in my knee whenever I moved it. I winced as I straightened and bent my leg.

"Are you okay?"Asked someone from behind me, making me jump. I turned around and was met by a pair of beautiful topaz eyes. Edward, I hadn't seen him since he bid me farewell at the shower last night. I had finally gotten out of it when Alice burst through the door, dressing me and putting me to bed. It felt like forever before I went to bed.

"Yeah, nothing I can't live through" I said, and Edward frowned.

"Is your knee hurt?"He asked in a concerned voice, apparently noticing me frowning at the purple lump that was on my leg.

"A little, I can still walk though. I don't think it is serious." He looked at my knee while appraising my words.

"May I look at it? I just want to see if it is okay." I stared at him, where did all of this kindness come from? I realized what I was still staring a couple seconds later and nodded at his question. I felt my face heat up with a blush.

Then I felt his cool hands touch my leg, bringing it up towards his face. He was so gentle; he touched me as if I was a precious item, not to be harmed in any way. His fingers gingerly touched the dark bruise that had spread across my leg. I saw his face frown and relax a few times as he scrutinized my knee, gently touching it in a few places.

"I don't think you broke it, though I think you did bruise the bone pretty bad. I will go get you a brace." I stared at him.

"I'm fine, really. I can walk just fine without one, watch." I said as I got up and walked towards the door. I winced a little with each movement of my knee. It hurt more than I thought it would.

"Careful, Bella, I don't want you to hurt it more. Please," he pleaded with me, "wear the brace. I couldn't bear you getting hurt because of something so silly." I looked into his smoldering eyes and it was all I could do to nod. He came towards me and cradled me in his arms, carrying me back towards the bed. I stuck my lip out at my helplessness and heard him chuckle softly.

"Stay here" he said, brushing his fingers lightly across my face and causing my heart to race a hundred miles per hour. I looked at his perfect form as he exited the room. I could barely breathe. I touched the spots that were tingling on my face from where he touched me and smiled to myself, dreaming about Edward. Before long, he was back with a skin colored knee brace. I was glad it was skin colored; it would attract way less attention than a black one. I thanked him for it as he fastened it lovingly to my leg.

"No problem" he said, a crooked smile flashing across his face. I felt myself get lost into his eyes as my heartbeat started to move erratically against my chest. I forgot all my surroundings as I looked into Edward's eyes. They were so full of love and concern for me. I didn't deserve that. I quickly looked away, ashamed of openly gaping at him for so long.

"Bella" Edward said my name like a prayer, "look at me" My body seemed to act to it's own accord as my brown eyes willingly went to his soft golden eyes.

"I have something to tell you, to apologize for." He started, running his hands through his soft bronze hair nervously. I waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts before he spoke in his angelic voice.

"Bella, I am so sorry for everything I have done to you. I can only imagine the vast amounts of pain that I alone have caused you, and for that I am truly sorry." He grimaced at his words, "I wish only now that you could consider forgiving me, but I don't expect you to. I realize now that I was dumb, and wasted my time. I could have so much more time with you Bella, and now I wasted it. Take last night for example; if I hadn't been ignoring you for the past three weeks, it would have never happened. You would have been safe with me instead of wondering around alone in the forest. I could have protected you. I could have saved you, but I did nothing but sit in my room and wallow in self pity. I am a coward, and I am so sorry for that Bella. Will you ever consider forgiving me?" his voice broke on the end. I looked at him and felt my heart melt.

"What are you talking about? None of this is your fault. I should have been watching where I was going. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have driven you away on the first you met me. I should have never told you my story."I saw panic flash through his eyes, "Then maybe you would like me." I looked down at the floor, tears spilling over in my eyes.

"I am sorry for being such a burden Edward." I was openly sobbing now, "I wish I didn't cause you so much trouble." I looked hesitantly at Edward and saw his expression was so full of anguish and pain that it tore my heart open.

Then, as though he appeared magically, I was in his arms and he was rocking me back and forth.

"What on earth are you talking about? Bella, listen to me, please" he begged, wiping the tears away from my eyes, "none of this is your fault. Don't blame yourself, you haven't done anything wrong. And for God's sake, where did you get the idea that I hate you?!" he shouted in a disbelieving tone. I looked at him confused, he had to hate me.

"My God, I could never hate you Bella. Not even if my life depended on it. As a matter of fact Bella I like you. Well, that isn't exactly the right word for it either. Good Lord Bella, I think I am falling in love with you." He said, seeming to have his own personal epiphany in the process. I sat there and looked at him shocked by his words. We were silent for a few seconds, soaking in the words that had passed through his lips.

"You…like me?" I asked in a weak voice. I still didn't believe my own words. He pulled me closer into his chest looked into my eyes.

"I don't just like you, Isabella Marie Swan," he said, peering further into my eyes and sending my heart into a frenzy, "I love you, and always will." I tried to grasp my mind around this foreign concept.

"Love" I whispered to myself. I had forgotten the emotion completely. Memories of fairy tales and childhood fantasies came playing through my mind. I can't remember anyone ever loving me before. At least not like Edward said he did. Everyone always hated me or was angry at me for some reason or another. I was their punching bag, their way to vent. They never loved me. I didn't think I was lovable. I didn't think I was capable of being loved, and then all of the sudden someone loves me. I dived deep into the backs of my mind, searching for this strange emotion.

I could remember familiar pinpricks of this emotion through some of the faint memories I had with Charlie and Renee when I was little. I think it made you feel…good. I forgot what that was like to. I had been locked inside my body. I hadn't felt anything in such a long time. I hadn't felt what it was like to be loved in such a long time that I had forgotten.

Yet I knew I longed for love. Everyone always did. Everyone always wanted to be accepted. Should I love Edward? Was I capable of loving him? I panicked; I didn't know how to love him. I didn't even know what love was. He must have seen my expression because he tucked me closer and looked me in the eyes.

"Bella, calm down." He whispered soothingly into my ear, "I don't expect anything from you. I just want you to know I will always be here to protect you. No matter what"

"I don't know if I can love you." I whispered, mostly to myself. A pained expression flashed across Edward's face for a brief second before he composed himself. I immediately felt guilty.

"It isn't that I don't love you." I said, trying desperately to explain, "It is that I don't know what it is. I haven't felt love in so long; I think that I have forgotten it." I was still stunned beyond coherent thought at my personal revelation. How could I have forgotten something so important, so essential to life? No wonder I was having all of those panic attacks, I didn't even know what love was and yet here I stand, trying to live on air alone.

"Isabella, I think you have just made me the luckiest man in the world" I stared at him confused.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, fearful of his answer, he seemed unfazed by my questioning tone of voice.

"I, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, vow to help you, Isabella Marie Swan, remember love. When that day comes, I will be the happiest man in the world. I will know then that my purpose in life has been served." I stared at him shocked. How could he? I highly doubt that it would be a quick process it might take forever.

"Oh no, you couldn't possible do that for me." I protested, "I don't deserv-"  
"If you say you don't deserve it, you are sadly mistaken." Edward said, putting a finger on my lips to close them. I felt his smooth touch and immediately melted into his skin, taking in the coolness of his soft fingers on my lips.

"Please don't say you don't deserve it, Bella" he pleaded, leaning his face in closer towards mine. My heartbeat went wild. I could feel myself getting more lightheaded by the second. He leaned in closer and closer, until his lips were gently brushing mine.

"Please" he whispered, his lips grazing across mine as he moved them to form the word. I couldn't move. This was like nothing I had ever felt before. I was on fire; every inch of me wanted to grab Edward Cullen into my arms and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

I leaned into his lips, feeling their coolness against mine. Then, ever so slowly, he started to move his lips across mine, as if we were performing a dance in slow motion. He started to gradually glide his lips across mine faster, the dance increasing tempo, my passion rising with each haggard breath. I clutched onto him harder, trying to bring him closer towards me. He responded by pulling me closer to him, but somehow managing to be gentle in all of his movements. Our lips started to move more urgently as our barriers came down. I leaned my lips harder unto his soft, full lips.

Then, as quickly as it started, it was over, and I melted into his chest, breathing wildly. I looked over at Edward and saw him with a pleased smile on his face, looking like he had just conquered a great battle for his far away land. His eyes were black for a couple seconds before they returned back to a familiar light gold. Then, for the first time in what seemed like years, I smiled.

It wasn't just one of those smiles you get when find something amusing either. It was one of those full blown; I just won the lottery types of smile. The type of smiles that you only see on people who are truly content with their lives. My smile grew larger as I realized that at this point in time, I was content with my life. I was happy as long as Edward was with me. With him, everything would be okay. Everything would work out.

I felt him cradle me back into his chest, his smile radiating just as big as mine. Then, without warning, my stomach growled.

"Sorry to keep you from your food" Edward said, cheerily, always quite the gentlemen.

"It is fine. I honestly don't mind." I said, and he beamed brighter, setting me gently on the ground and taking my had.

"Esme brought some breakfast. It is downstairs. She didn't know what you liked, so she sort of just made a bit of everything." I groaned.

"She didn't have to do that. I could have just gotten something later."

"Don't worry, Bella. She enjoyed doing it, really. She is a very maternal figure. I am sure if we had to cook she wouldn't hesitate to cook us food lovingly every night."

"I guess it is okay, it is just I don't want to be a bother." Edward sighed and carried me down the stairs in his arms so I wouldn't hurt my knee.

"Love," he said, apparently pleased with his new nickname for me, "you will never have to worry about being a bother." I felt another full blown smile run across my face as we walked hand in hand into the kitchen. I looked at Edward next to me and delicious food across the table and felt happy, for what felt like the first time in my life.


	13. Chapter 13: Inevitable

**sorry i haven't updated in a while! i have had exams all week, and still have them coming up! Don't worry, they are almost over! I tried to make it up to you with this chapter. **

**Please tell me if it is good, if you liked it, or if you have any suggestions. I always can find ways to improve my writing!**

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EPOV

I didn't kill Bella! Those were the only thoughts running through my head for hours after that breath taking kiss. I could barely contain my smugness to my family as I passed them by, earning me various degrees of strange thoughts. They all wondered why I was so happy for once. I could see the curious similes cross their face as they took in Bella beside me, both of us radiating with joy.

"So, did Edward ask you out yet?" Emmett asked Bella bluntly.

"Uh" she started to say, startled by his abruptness.

"I haven't really asked her out yet, but I was planning on doing it soon." I said, a threat evident in my tone.

"Hey man, I am just trying to help you speed things along here. Don't stab me I want all my appendages." He said, holding his arms up in the air innocently. I glared at him, how he dare embarrass me in front of Bella like that.

"Have you eaten yet?" Esme asked Bella. She was always concerned about other's well being.

"Why, yes ma'am. Thank you for the food you brought me. It was too much." Bella said, a blush rising on her cheeks.

"Oh, nonsense!" Esme said, "We hope you can come back soon to help us finish it off. We don't really have that big of appetites around here." Bella smiled at her little joke. Then she frowned at something far off into the distance. I looked to where she was watching, but found that it was only the wall.

"What are you looking at?" I asked her, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Nothing I was just thinking…"she said evidently wrapped up in her own head. God, how I wish I could read her mind.

"What were you thinking about?" I asked her, curious as to what was going through her mind. Had I done something wrong? I looked her over to make sure she didn't have any physical damage.

"Nothing really, I was just sad because I can't eat as much as I used to." I looked at her confused. Did she think she was fat? She looked at my stare and continued.

"It is from my-my capture. They fed me so little that I can only eat in tiny amounts, about one hundred calories at a time or I will get sick. They also have to be spaced out. I was remembering when I could have eaten all the food that Esme brought me." She looked down to the floor, ashamed and sad. I felt my heart shatter at this new revelation. My poor Bella, how I longed to comfort her, but Alice beat me to it.

"Oh Bella," Alice cried, "it is not your fault! We won't get mad at you if you can't eat all the food. Please don't feel bad!" she started to run towards Bella, but stopped when Bella tensed. Alice frowned and began to slowly walk towards her, eloping her in a hug when she was near. I saw Bella slowly respond and hesitantly reach her arms around Alice's small frame.

"I think Bella and I have better get going. I wouldn't want her father to notice her absence when he returns." I said, knowing very well, thanks to Alice's power, that he was going to be returning in an hour from his trip.

"Oh, right!"Alice chirped happily, "I almost forgot. Bella, Guess what?" Bella looked at Alice, stunned at her sudden mood change. Jasper just rolled his eyes across the room at his wife.

"What, Alice?" Bella said timidly.

"I got you some new clothes!" Alice shouted excitedly. I saw Bella jump at her loud noise, and then her eyes started to look panicked.

"No, no, no," Bella said, "you shouldn't have gotten me anything. I have clothes. Alice, please take them back." Alice looked at her shocked. I chuckled, I guess she didn't even bother to look through the future at Bella's reaction; she was so keen on giving her the garments.

"What are you talking about? You are taking the clothes Bella; they will be perfect on you!" Alice said, running daintily up the stairs to go retrieve them. I heard Bella groan and walked over to her, holding her in my arms.

"If you want me to, I can take them back for me." I whispered into her ear. She looked up at me with hope filled eyes.

"Really?" she said, a smile forming across her face.

"You just have to answer one question." I said, watching her face slightly fall at my proposition.

"What is the question?"She asked hesitantly.

"I just want to know why you didn't want them. She sighed in relief, sinking her warm, tiny body smaller into my chest. I started to breath hesitantly, careful not to wake the dormant monster within my veins.

"That is easy," she said her lips softly grazing my chest as she moved them, sending waves of pleasure through my body, "I couldn't take any clothes Alice brought for me! They are bound to cost a fortune, and I would paying her back for years!" she said her voice snapping me out of my dirty train of thoughts. I heard Jasper chuckle at my mood change in the background, too loud for a human to hear. I ignored him.

"Bella, the clothes would be a gift, you wouldn't have to pay us back. We would gladly give them to you." I assured her. I saw her bottom lip stick out and her jaw clench. She resembled a cute child that clearly got caught, but just wouldn't confess to the crime.

"I won't take them Edward." She said, her voice more serious than before, "I don't want to show myself in the way Alice wants me to." The light bulb in my head went off. Ahh, she doesn't want to show her skin to the world. She is afraid that something bad might happen to her again. She wants to blend in as much as possible, never to be noticed by someone that could potentially hurt her.

"Oh, Bella" I said, pulling her tighter into my chest and rubbing circles on her back, mentally preparing myself for her scent. When it hit me I barely even flinched. I smiled at his. It will all get better in time. We stood like this for a few seconds before I heard someone clear their throat, something that you never hear in a house of vampires unless you wanted someone's attention. I looked up and saw Alice with various bags of clothes in her hands.

"Alice, I am going to take Bella home now." I tried to tell her as nice as possible, I knew I was skating on thin ice.

"Sure, I can just ride in the car behind you with the clothes; they will only take a second to put up." She said misinterpreting my meaning. I sighed as I watched her start to head towards her car, the bags in hand.

"Alice," I said, stopping her in her tracks, "I think it would be wiser for Bella and me to go alone, _without_ the clothes." I could hear the ice cracking all around me as her eyes turned deadly.

"Sure Edward," she spat at my face, making Bella cringe further into my chest, "I guess I will just go put them back up after wasting my time to bring them down here." I flinched at the coldness in her voice. Boy was I going to get it later. I sighed in frustration as I gently led Bella to the car.

"Is she mad at me?" I heard Bella ask, the fear evident in her voice. How stupid could I be? I didn't even notice her panicked expression while I was wrapped up in my own thoughts.

"She isn't mad at you at all, Bella" I said, "She is furious at me though. I am going to have talk to her tonight about it. Pray that she doesn't hurt me, will you?" I said, joking around to lighten up the mood. It was apparently the wrong thing to say as Bella's face turned about three shades lighter. I started to panic.

"Bella?" I asked her frantically, pulling the car over, "Are you okay?" When she didn't respond right away I jumped out of the car and cradled her in my arms as fast as I could.

"I am sorry Edward!" Bella cried, clutching herself tighter unto me, I stopped breathing so I wouldn't take in her intoxicating scent, "I never meant for her to get mad at you! I don't want you to get hurt. We can go back." She said, a sudden realization taking hold of her, "We can go back and I can explain to Alice that it was my entire fault. Then, she won't r-rip" she gulped, "hurt you in any way."

"Bella" I said, my tone demanding her to look at me, "Don't you dare try to take the blame for anything. I was the one that told Alice she couldn't give you those clothes, and I am the one she is going to take out her frustration on when she gets home. I know for certain that she will not harm me in any physical way, what an absurd idea! I was only joking. Alice has never harmed me, and she wouldn't harm a fly. Please just worry about yourself. It is maddening how little self preservation you have. Can you please try to work on that?" I said, lifting her chin towards me, "I could never stand you getting hurt." I felt her try to nod her head with my hand under her chin, again reminding me of how fragile she was.

"Okay" she said, "I will try to do better if it pleases you." I cringed at her wording.

"If there is one thing I know, I am most definitely not your superior. So please, address me like you would… a boyfriend." I saw her eyes light up at the statement.

"Really?" she asked, starting to bounce a little in my lap, "You would let me be your girlfriend?" Her large beautiful eyes filled up with hope. I scoffed.

"Of course, Bella." I said at her absolute absurdness, "I will let myself be your boyfriend, but remember at all times; I could slip up." Her face immediately turned serious.

"I know" she whispered, "but I trust you. I trust you with my life."

I felt myself both relieved and disappointed by her statement. I was happy to gain her trust and she most certainly had mine. She had gotten a hold of me from the first moment I saw her with the precious doe like eyes, and beautiful full lips. The more rational side of my brain started to work after a few moments of silent triumph. She trusted me with her life? Was she insane? Did she not deduce the reality of what I could do to her? Did she not know what I could become? What I was capable of doing?

"Bella," I started off hesitantly, I wanted to warn her of the full extent of her statement, "I don't think you should trust me." Her brow furrowed in confusion before relaxing.

"Edward, I don't think that you are capable of hurting me. I think that, well, I think that you care for me too much, as I do to you." She had a point, but did she not know what I was?

"Bella, are you literally insane? Do you not know what I can do? Do you not know how hard I have been fighting this whole time you are with me NOT to kill you?" my voiced raised painfully at the word kill, "Do you have ANY idea at all of what I want to do to you this very moment?" she shook her head, fear clouding her eyes.

"I want to suck you dry right now. I want to feel your warm blood coursing down my throat, giving me something that I cannot even begin to describe, giving me life, filling me up to the brim with animalistic satisfaction. Bella, I want to suck your blood." I saw her eyes widen and then return to their normal size.

"I know" she said so softly that I could barely hear it.

"They why, Bella? Why must we be like this? Why must we love each other so? It isn't right! It isn't normal! It is pure insanity." I saw Bella's face lower as she started to form words on her full lips.

"Yet here we sit, Edward. Here we are, confessing to each other of one another's love. Here we sit, defying the laws of nature, defying the laws of the entire world." I felt a chill go down my back at the realization.

"I have tried to stop loving you in every single way I could." I said, "I have run away, I have tried to find every flaw, every horrible thing about you. I have tried to make you hate me; I have tried to hate you. I have traveled across the world because of you. I have trembled down to my very core with the thought of your blood running sweetly down my throat. Yet, here we sit. Here we are, doing something impossible. Doing something simply because of one thing which I never thought I would feel in my whole existence. Here we are Bella, risking our lives on love, only because it would kill us not to be together." Silence filled the car as we both realized our crimes to nature, our crimes to humanity by loving each other. It felt like eternity as we gazed into the sky, watching the clouds part slowly to reveal the sun.

"Edward," Bella said softly, I looked at her angelic face, "I don't think I can stop loving you."

"I don't think I can stop either Bella, and that is what scares me the most." I lifted her chin up and stared into her love filled eyes, focusing on the brilliant shades of brown that were lying inside them, dormant until now. I lowered my eyes to her lips and started to slowly bring my face towards hers, holding her like a fragile porcelain doll.

I felt her warm lips hit mine, and could practically taste her blood in my mouth. As I slowly molded my cold hard lips to her's I could feel the blood pulsing beneath them calling to me. I felt her jam her lips harder into mine, driving not only my primal desires of the edge but my male needs. I molded her body into me harder, careful not to crush her delicate bones. I felt her soft lips, leaving trails of warmth where ever they explored my cold hard ones. Everything felt so right, so full of purpose. I needed her, I wanted her, and I absolutely had to have her. I pushed myself against her harder, unaware of my actions until a second later, when her scent hit me full on the face. I could practically feel her flesh beneath my teeth.

I ran from the car into the dark forest, my mind playing scenes in my head of her blood running down my throat. I felt my eyes start to go back to their normal shade as I ran back towards the car.

"Sorry Edward" Bella said, "I didn't mean to push you too far."

"It was entirely my fault. I should have thought out my actions more. It is sort of hard to do when you are just so irresistible." I saw her face blush, reminding me of her delicious blood. I groaned.

"Let me get you home. I am sure Charlie is there already, probably sending out a search warrant for every home in Forks." She laughed at my statement, her beautiful voice sounding like a melody.

"If you say so, but I truly am sorry for overreacting today. I can't believe how unstable I am sometimes. It worries me." I glanced at her troubled face.

"Don't worry, Bella" I said, taking her warm hand in mine, "that is what I am here for, that is what I will always be here for."


	14. Chapter 14: Screams

**I am SOSOSOSOSOS sorry for the long delay to this chapter. I am in your debt. I still want to thank all my wonderful reviewers, especially the ones that review every single time. remember, reviews make me feel like i better write faster because i have more people to please. **

**once again, sorry for the delay, but here is the chapter; I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY AND PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.**

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BPOV

The days passed in a blissful rush. It seemed like I was finally going to get my happy ever after. Sometimes, Edward would scare me though. He would get this dark look on his face and look at Alice, then to me, then to Alice. It drove me over the edge. I would plead him to tell me about what happened but he would always say it was something silly, having to do with Jasper or Rosalie. I didn't believe him.

Rosalie, now there was a subject. She had studiously been ignoring me for the past week and I have no idea why. I apologized to her, so maybe she is just jealous. I don't see why in the world she would be jealous of me when she looks like that; but I am sure that she could end up finding something to be jealous of in a caterpillar. When I told Edward this he merely laughed and told me I had guessed correctly. I probed him for more information, but his lips remained closed, still holding secrets I longed to know.

Alice remained faithful at my side, always handling me when Edward wasn't there and soothing me when I had panic attacks and ran into the women's restroom. Which Edward had almost entered every time I had a panic attack? He literally almost knocked the door down, something that isn't easy for a human to do. Alice had to drag Jasper out of class to calm him down. We definitely got some funny stairs that day, all hanging out by the girl's bathroom, practically attacking the girls trying to use the restroom. It was pretty comical, and Edward is still the butt of the jokes over at his house. He says that he doesn't regret a thing. Rosalie thinks differently.

I sighed; the day was bound to be awful without Edward. He and his family announced a sudden hunting trip they were going to take. Edward had protested, he didn't want to leave me alone.

All in all, my life was turning out to be pretty good. I was slowly starting to leave my haunting past behind with the help of some vampires. There was still a question lurking in the back of my mind. What was I going to do if I was meant to be with Edward forever? I couldn't simply just stay with him. I would get old and ugly. He would remain inhumanly beautiful until the end of time, while I would shrivel up and resemble a dried peach. It wasn't fair. I decided that I would bring this to his attention soon. I wasn't ready to ask yet. I didn't even know if he had even had the thought of us being together for eternity. I am still not entirely convinced that he loves me, although he has proved to me in countless time and ways that he does in fact love me.

I sighed; the day was bound to be awful without Edward. He and his family announced a sudden hunting trip they were going to take. Edward had protested, he didn't want to leave me alone. I had to convince him that I would be just fine until he got back. He even made sure with Alice three times that nothing was going to happen to me. I thought it was ridiculous. I think I can handle myself just fine for two days. He even left a note by my bed this morning. The only thing on it was the words _Be Safe_ written in his beautiful calligraphy. I sighed at his perfection, cursing myself for being so dull and full of blemishes.

So far, the day had gone surprisingly well. It went by fast, but that is most likely because I slept in all the periods due to my lack of sleep the previous night. I don't think that I will ever be able to sleep well without Edward in a ten foot radius. I sighed at my foolishness as I walked glumly towards the last and most devastating period, physical education. Gag me.

Today, we were planning on starting the hellish game called basketball. I detest basketball. Somehow, by some unforeseen force I always end up getting hit straight in the head with a basketball. It was inevitable. It seemed like every time I was in a twenty foot radius of a round orange leather ball, it hit me. I groaned as I walked towards the dressing room.

"So Bella," Lauren sneered, "Can you try not to massacre my face with the basketball? I can't afford to have an imprint on my skin tonight. As you may know, I have a date." I rolled my eyes. During my duration of staying in Forks I learned quickly that Lauren is simply a shallow, mean person at heart. I shrugged off her insult lightly.

"I will try not to, though it may slip."I said and she glared at me, "I can't control the ball when I get it! I also can't see the future, but I will try not to hit anyone." I protested against her diminishing eyes. She made a grunting noise. I think it was her version of suppressed laughter.

I mentally flicked her off as she turned around to change into her P.E. uniform. Of course, being herself, the uniform was made for someone about two years younger. In short, she likes to display her skin very openly. I think she wants to impress Mike, whom has been giving me unwanted attention ever since I arrived. I couldn't suppress as sigh as thoughts of the ever so obedient Mike flashed through my head. He was a sad sight.

I walked out just as the coach called my name on the roll sheet. Thank God I wasn't late, that would mean I would have to run. Which would most likely result in my getting a trip to the emergency room and Edward freaking out over the unnecessary worry of my well being.

As we split into teams of six I was exalted. That means there has to be a sub! A smile lit my face and then quickly disappeared as I found out who was on my team. I had Jessica, Mike, Tyler, Angela, and Lauren. Crap. That means not only would I have to put up with Mike, but everyone else as well, please shoot me now.

I looked over to see Tyler and Mike's eyes glowing with pleasure at their recent triumph. I mentally cursed my luck as I grabbed a smelly green jersey and made my way over to the court.

"I can be the sub." I volunteered to the group right off the bat. Mike smiled at me while Lauren looked like she was mentally killing me in her mind.

"Okay" Mike said, knowing my incapability to perform any type of sport.

"I think we should let Bella play." Jessica stated, sending a scheming glare towards Lauren, "She is always the one that gets to sit out, and I really don't feel well at all. My head is going to explode." I stared at her and her obvious lie. Was she serious? She wanted me to play? She was definitely up to something, it was apparent that she would do anything to get me on the court.

"Okay Jessica," Tyler said, obvious to her lies, "We can let Bella play. I hope you feel better." I rolled my eyes, damn Tyler and his stupid crushes on anything female. God, that boy needs to get laid. I continued my mental rant as I made my way onto the court.

"Watch out Bella, you might not know what is coming your way." Lauren said as she shoved me out of her way. I winced as I stumbled slightly, proud that I managed not to fall on my butt.

"Whatever" I mumbled under my breath. There was no way in hell that I was going to go down by her schemes.

As the game started I started to get nervous. I could feel Lauren's stares in the back of my head calculating my every move. The worst part was, people were actually trying to get me to play basketball. Every time Lauren got the ball she would throw it to me, unless it seemed too auspicious. I was starting to catch the ball a little more than half the time. It was a fact that I was very proud of. Angela even said I was doing better than usual. I thanked her; she has always only been kind to me.

Then, Lauren yelled my name before hurling the ball directly at me. I tried to catch it, but the ball slipped through my fingers and hit me in the stomach, hard. I fell to the ground as the loud smack of leather against skin filled the gym.

Everyone then rushed over towards me, asking me if I was okay. I nodded my head feebly, it wasn't that bad. Not even a fraction of the pain I had already felt. The sting was still there, but I could tell it was going to start to die down any minute.

"Oh my God!" Lauren screeched with faux concern, "Are you okay?! Here let me help you up and take you to the nurse." Before I could protest Lauren had grabbed my arm and was practically dragging me across the gym door. When we rounded the corner of the building outside, Lauren pushed me violently on the ground. I whimpered, and felt the concrete scrape the skin from my palms.

"God Bella" she sneered, "can't you ever learn to catch yourself? Don't you have any coordination?" I looked at her and glared. How dare she push me on the ground and start to insult me about my coordination.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked her, slowly getting up off the ground. She laughed at my question, and I could see someone emerging from behind her. Before I could make them out she grabbed me by my shirt and pressed my face roughly against hers.

"My job" she whispered into my face, her voice full of hatred. My eyes widened. Someone hired her? I was her job? Who would do that?

I felt myself start to mentally panic as I recalled a warning James had given me one night when he thought I was on the edge. I recall it well. It is one of my most prominent memories, one of the memories that constantly haunted my never ending nightmares.

_I could feel myself shaking in the corner, willing him with all my power to just leave me alone. I just wanted one night of peace, one night where I didn't have to be his slave. I flinched as I felt him move towards me._

"_Don't even think about escaping, because we will find you." He said, softly caressing my face. My breathing started to hitch and I could feel my legs getting weaker by the second. _

"_And guess what happens when we find you, Bella? Guess what happens when we find your beautiful face?" James leered, pulling my body seductively against his, I whimpered, "we make you our slaves, forever." He whispered in my ear, right before he led me towards his bed. _

"NO!" I screamed, trashing my fist in the air towards the general direction of Lauren.

"Calm the FUCK down!" she screamed, grabbing my hands in hers and tying them with a rope.

That was when I knew. That was when I knew the whole time, whole entire time I thought I was free, I wasn't. I was never going to get rid of him. He was never going to go away until he got what he wanted. NEVER.

The next time I opened my eyes I was in the forest laying on the ground. I could barely make out a figure in my line of vision and tried to speak to it.

That was when I noticed I had a bandana and duct tape covering my mouth. I felt my body tense as my vision started to clear, waiting for the unknown figure to reveal itself. I tried to speak, but the duct tape muffled my speech.

"Well Bella," said a familiar bone chilling voice, "I always knew you would come back to me."

I felt a scream rise through my throat and exit my mouth, it was useless. No one would be able to hear the small noise, no one. Panics set in as I started hyperventilating, not again, not again. Please not again. My vision blurred as tears fell down my face. How did he find me? Why did he come back? Did he know about Edward? I thought about Edward and his beautiful face, praying to God that he would come save me. But what if he got hurt? What if he got hurt trying to protect me? My body instantly recoiled from the thought and I banished it from my mind. He couldn't come, it was too dangerous. If he got harmed it would be my fault.

I felt shakes rake through my body as I closed my eyes forcefully, praying to God that he would just kill me. I didn't want to have to go through his torture again. It would be more painful the second time. It would bend me more. This time, it would break me.

"Don't worry Bella" James said gently, caressing my face, "we will be so happy together. Think about it. You and me, together forever." I froze.

No, no, no, this was not happening. I couldn't be with James. I couldn't. I would die if I had to live with him forever. I would kill myself. I can't be with anyone but Edward. I belong to him. I shook my head at James and told him with my eyes that I would only belong to Edward.

"What is this?" he sneered while grabbing my chin forcefully, "You, a little puny human are trying to defy me?" disbelief colored his voice as I feebly nodded my head. I could see the anger take over his eyes and cringed away further into the ground.

"We will see about that" he said, pulling me towards his face by the hair. I felt his arms encircle my head as he pulled the bandana roughly off me. I whimpered in pain as I felt the cloth slice into my skin. I heard him laugh, momentarily pausing to run his fingers across the blood that had collected on my cheek.

"So beautiful, your blood that is. I am sure going to miss it once it is gone." My eyes widened as he pulled me harder towards him. He caressed my face a little before pulling the duct tape off quickly from my face. I flinched as the newly exposed raw skin started to sting.

"Now I can see your luscious lips. How I have longed for them since you parted from me, how I have craved their company." He ran his fingers along the outline of my lips, sending a shiver of coldness through my body. I mashed my eyes together, completely numbing myself to his touch. Just like I used to do, I was numb, just like I used to be.

"Don't be like that, sweetheart." He whispered into my ear, noticing my change of posture, "Let yourself go, let yourself give in to your innermost desires." He grabbed my waist and ran his hands along the sides, savoring how they felt. I heard him growl from pleasure.

"So warm, so soft." He murmured, bringing his lips to my neck. I felt myself flinch and try to cringe away. He just pulled my neck closer to his lips.

"There is no use resisting, Bella. You aren't going anywhere for a long time." His laughter tore through me. It was the thing that had haunted me the most, his laughter at pain, my pain. I whimpered and tried to scream, but no sound would come out. I felt him smile against my throat.

"Please don't hurt me." I whispered meekly, my plea getting engulfed in the wind, never to be heard by anyone but the vampire in front of me.

"Hurt you?" he said, feigning his innocence, "when did I ever hurt you? I merely gave you pleasure, my sweet Bella. I merely gave you the desire you craved. I gave you what you wanted my dear, it is time you thanked me." His lips now too close to mine and I could feel his rancid breath blowing coldly against my tear stained cheeks with each word he spoke. I sat there in silence, trying to forget, turning completely numb.

"Thank me!" he yelled into my face violently, making me flinch. I shook my head. I couldn't thank him. He did nothing good to me. All he has ever done, and all he will ever do is put me through pain. I could never thank anyone for something so awful, not even if I was an onlooker. I could never thank evil. He noticed my hesitation and started to kiss my neck violently, each kiss leaving a small sting.

"You will thank me" he said in between each forceful kiss of my neck. I shook my head no.

"Never" I said, surprised at how assertive and in control my voice sounded. It was the opposite of what I felt. I saw his eyes start to widen in anger as he recoiled from my neck.

"Thank me!" he yelled, throwing me on the ground violently. I felt my knee hit a root and cried out in pain. I curled into a ball, trying to inspect my knee before any more damage could be done. It was bleeding, and a bruise surrounded the gash just below my kneecap. I whimpered as I felt James walk around me, putting his face directly in front of mine.

"Bella," he said, our faces a mere inch apart, "I think you should thank me now, or I will make you thank me." My eyes widened as I thought about his offer. Either way I was going to live in hell for the rest of my life. Either way I would never see Edward again. Either way I would be miserable. The only way out was to anger him, I had to anger him until he killed me. I had to anger him until he put me out of my misery.

"I will never thank you, James. Not in a million years. I would rather die before I did something so vile." I saw the corners of his mouth pull up into a smile.

"I thought you would say something like that." He said, pleased at himself, "now I get to show you why you have to thank me. You will be screaming my name out by the end of the day. You will want me and only me. I will be the only person that crosses your mind, and the only one you long for."

"Never, I will never long for you." I replied coldly, I could feel the venom leaking through my words.

"Oh you will Bella, you will." James said, crashing his hard lips down on mine and pulling me in toward him.

I tried to push him off, I tried to make him move but he wouldn't budge. No matter how hard I tried he wouldn't stop. He wouldn't stop kissing me, he wouldn't stop touching me. I could feel the tears streaming down my face faster; I was reliving my worst nightmare. Memories flooded through my mind of months ago. The months where I was his slave, the months I wanted to forget completely.

"SAY IT BELLA!"He yelled into my face, grabbing me roughly by the hips, "THANK ME, NOW!" I shook my head as I felt his cold hands on my bare stomach. I saw him raise his hand and felt the burn of his hand across my face. I screamed in pain as he slapped me on each cheek. I felt the blood rush towards my head at an alarming rate, making me dizzy. The burns on my cheek intensified as he played with the waistband of my pants. I started to scream when he unzipped them, panic flashing through my body.

His hand clamped over my mouth and squeezed my face tight, stretching my skin. My eyes blurred from my tears as he pulled my pants down roughly.

"You WILL thank me Bella. I will make sure of that. One day you will thank me for all the pleasure that I have given you the pleasure I am about to give to you once again." I tried to bite his hand, but his skin hurt my teeth. I saw his eyes glaze over in lust as he studied me in my underwear. He took in my form, running his fingers down my stomach as I cringed away from his touch. His fingers left freezing trials of coldness down me, making my skin crawl from discomfort. He released the hand on my mouth and touched me, trying to make me feel pleasure.

I felt nothing. I didn't feel anything as he tore my clothes off. I couldn't feel anything when he caressed me, yelling at me to thank him. His words were useless. I was done, I was done caring. I was done living. I was done hoping. I was unresponsive as he abused me trying to make my think him. I didn't hear his harsh words, even though he screamed them directly into my ear.

The only thing I could feel was when he drove into me. I screamed forever. I screamed at his smirk, at his touch, at him inside of me. I couldn't stop. I kept screaming when he was done, even though he hit me and told me to stop. I kept screaming while he drove into me again, claiming he wasn't done yet. He wanted more. I still screamed while my lungs gave out and my vision was blurred. I didn't stop, I couldn't. Screaming seemed like the only way to live.

It was the only way to get the pain out. It was the only way to share what I felt with the world. I had to scream, or the pain would become too much. I had to scream or the weight of the world would press down on my shoulders. I was Atlas, holding the world on my broken frame. Except I wasn't holding the world, I was holding myself. And the only way I could keep holding myself was to get my mind off of my aching muscles. I had to get my mind off of the pain tearing through my shaking limbs, my broken bones, my mutilated tendons.

My screams started to fade away as the darkness closed in on me. I could barely hear them as my eyes went black and my head started to fill with lead. I searched for my screams, I was sure I was screaming. I felt the familiar feeling of my vocal chords being ran raw. I knew. I knew I was screaming or I wouldn't be alive.

The last thing I heard before the darkness overtook me was a scream, but it wasn't mine. It was the scream of an angel. The scream of an angel as his heart was torn into a million pieces.

After that, I stopped screaming, because I knew somehow that the angel was screaming for me.


	15. Chapter 15: The Light

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**more is coming REALLY soon, i am about to write it. i am SO SORRY for the hold up, i have had so much school work and i owe you all really big. i hope you will be able to forgive me. i am so ashamed at my delayed chapter. I really hope you like it and hope that you give me some feedback, but i won't ask for much since i didn't give it in a timely manner.  
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**HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! (gives you all tons of candy)**

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_My screams started to fade away as the darkness closed in on me. I could barely hear them as my eyes went black and my head started to fill with lead. I searched for my screams, I was sure I was screaming. I felt the familiar feeling of my vocal chords being ran raw. I knew. I knew I was screaming or I wouldn't be alive._

_The last thing I heard before the darkness overtook me was a scream, but it wasn't mine. It was the scream of an angel. The scream of an angel as his heart was torn into a million pieces._

_After that, I stopped screaming, because I knew somehow that the angel was screaming for me._

EPOV

When Alice got the vision I flipped. I went completely insane. How does that vile creature have the nerve to touch my Isabella? How dare he even look at her! The only thing that was going through my mind as I ran through the forest as fast as I possibly could was that he was going to die. I was going to rip him limb from limb and watch the life drain out of him in a satisfyingly slow manner. My lips curled up happily as I imagined the torture methods that I could use on him, it was time for payback.

The image still haunted me in the back of my mind, egging me on, forcing me to go faster, my poor Bella, broken and naked on the ground, screaming with his arms clasped around her. I felt my eyes glaze over in fury. He was going to pay dearly for his actions. I could faintly hear my family running behind me because I was so far ahead, yet I still wasn't going fast enough. I could never be fast enough. If he touched her at all, if he so much as laid a finger on her, he was going to die. I had to be fast enough.

When I entered the town of Forks I raced towards the school, the place where her scent would be strongest and leave a trail, a trail that I depended on with my life. I flashed through the school, quickly assessing her movements throughout the day. Everyone had already left, so it was easy figuring out where her scent led.

In the forest. I felt my eyes widen as I not only smelt Bella's scent, but Lauren's. That little bitch was going to die. I thought about ways I could kill her after I had Bella safe in my arms. Most of them revolved around me seducing her into her death. I smiled at how easy it would be, all I would have to do is give her a crooked smile and it would be in the bag. I could practically hear Alice chastising me as visions of me murdering Lauren ran through her head. The scent of Bella got stronger as I went deeper into the forest. There was no way that Laurent could drag Bella all the way out here in such a short amount of time. That meant that she had made a deal with James. I contemplated what he could have possibly given her in return as her trial led me through various twists and turns.

Then I smelt it. Bella's blood, fresh and flowing. I could feel the venom pull to my mouth as I took in the scent of her sweet nectar. Before I knew it I was running so fast everything was a blur. I approached a little clearing in the woods, hardly having time to process what I was doing. Then, I stopped dead in my tracks.

James was touching her. No, he was more than touching her, he was raping her. I felt myself start to scream in agony as I crumpled to the ground in pain. Not this, anything but this. Sobs racked my body as I cried for Bella. I could hear James laughing in the background, looking at my pathetic figure. I couldn't move, I couldn't function. After all of the pain and hurt she had been through in her life, after all the tears she had shed from this man; here she was getting hurt again. I had to help her, I had to save her.

Before I knew what was happening I had grabbed James off of my angel and punched him hard in the mouth. I let a grin slide out in satisfaction as I heard him painfully crash into the trees. He got back up and smiled, a playfulness overtaking his eyes.

"Well Edward, It is about time you got here. I was beginning to wonder when you would show up." He said, talking as if we had planned out an innocent rendezvous. I growled at him menacingly. He smirked as he took on my defensive form.

"You are going to pay" I threatened him, my voice cold and angry.

"We will see about that." He said, his tone equally threatening.

Then, he charged at me. He was fast, but I was faster. I threw myself out of the way as he narrowly zoomed pass me, creating a wave of wind from his speed. I followed him, determined as ever to kill him.

We started to fight, fast blinding movements. I would try read his mind before he tried to attack, but he was trying to go on instinct alone. I growled as he clipped my shoulder, sending me flying hard into the nearest tree. I felt the pain rip through the right side of my body and heard the sickening crunch of the tree toppling down towards the ground. I got up quickly, searching for my attacker. A smile lit up my face as I saw him, Emmett had him in his arms and my family was surrounded around him, looks of pure hate across their faces.

"Edward, go help Bella. She needs you more than any of us. We can handle this." Alice said pointing towards James. I nodded, hesitating; they better make him feel pain. I turned around and looked towards Bella's scent. Once again her blood called to me. How I longed for it in my mouth, to feel it slide down my throat, quenching my internal flames.

My internal desires abruptly came to a halt as I took in Bella's form. There she was on the forest floor, naked and bleeding. I sobbed in agony as I saw the bruises forming across her delicate body. Why her? Why does it have to be her? I knelt down and took her quivering form in my arms. She was shaking uncontrollably as I pulled her gently into my chest.

"It is going to be okay Bella" I said, my voice breaking as I mumbled the words into her hair, "It has to be okay." I could feel the venom pooling in my eyes, but knew the tears would never fall. I clutched her closer to me, she had to live.

"Edward," Carlisle said hesitantly noticing my tense posture, "let me look at her, I have to make sure she is okay."

"You are going to make sure she is okay?" I asked, disbelief coloring my voice, "How in the HELL could anyone ever be okay after what just happened?! Are you blind?! Did you not see what he did to her?!" I yelled into his face, watching the pain overtake his eyes further at each word I said.

"I saw," he whispered, "but I have to check her for any fatal injuries, Edward. She could die if I don't."

I stopped moving. She could die, she could die. The words formed incoherently in my mind. She could die. I didn't even feel it as Carlisle lifted Bella out of my arms, laying her on the ground for inspection. My body was still trying to understand what had happened. I couldn't make sense of anything. The only thing I knew was that Bella, sweet innocent Bella. My one true love, my soul mate had been raped, again. The last word tore through my heart like a thousand poisoned knifes.

It was my entire fault. If I hadn't left I could have saved her. I could have been here to keep her safe. None of this would have happened, none of it. I would have most likely been with her right now at one of our houses absent mindedly waiting for her to finish her homework. I was awful. I was a monster. How could I let something of this magnitude happen to my sole purpose for living? How could I let this happen to such a sweet person like Bella?

She had already been through so much pain. She had been through enough pain for lifetimes. She had felt sadness so vast, and had been so scared that she couldn't even breathe. Why Bella? Why must she feel this immeasurable amount of pain when she has felt so much? She piled other people's dead bodies under a window for weeks just to find a way she could escape pain. She knew the rotting smell of flesh; she knew what it looked like when the light left a person's eyes in their final moments. She could tell you exactly what it was like to watch someone you love get murdered and not be able to do anything about it because you were so scared you couldn't function. Because you were so scared that your mind or body couldn't process anything until it was too late. Yet here she lay on the floor, bleeding and broken for the umpteenth time in her short life, and it was my entire fault.

I feel to the ground and stared up at the unforgiving blue sky. I saw the birds pass by overhead, not even noticing the turmoil passing below them. I wanted to shout at them. I wanted them to care about Bella. They needed to know how unfair life was. They needed to know how many times it could kick a perfect person down before they died. But they didn't stop. They didn't care to stop, simply because they didn't have the time in their day. I screamed out to blind ears as the birds passed by overhead, busily going about their routine schedules.

BPOV

In a place between reality and unconsciousness there is nothing. Just you, your mind, and blackness. The only thoughts you think of are those of pain. When you need something, it does not appear. When you don't want to ever see anything again, you can see everything. If you want to leave this place, you stay. That is where I am. I don't know how long I have been here. I don't know if I will ever get out. Stuck in between life in hell in reality and life like this, forever. I can feel each individual point of my body, sticking out like sharp edges. They cut me if I try to mend them. Reminding me of how imperfect I am. How wasted I was once James touched me. The broken edges will never be fixed, for no person would go through the pain of putting the razor sharp pieces of my body together. I am not worth it. I replay the assault in this place, occasionally rewinding or stopping the scenes. Each piece of the attack feels like eternity. An eternity that I don't want to belong to. An eternity of James.

When I open my eyes, the first thing I notice is the ceiling. It is white, pure white. I stare at the ceiling contemplating. Without the darkness, there would be no light to speak of. In the world I know, darkness doesn't need light. All darkness needs is a place to fester in, a place to plant its seeds for eternity. I close my eyes, and drift between reality and unconsciousness.

EPOV

I stare at her face. I can't look away knowing I am the cause for this. Carlisle said that she would be okay after a while. He said she was mostly bruised with a few breaks here and there and would heal in no time. He didn't elaborate on anything. He just let me into his mind, showing what he had found wrong with her as I sat in the chair silently looking at her face as she slept. I haven't moved since.

I remember always hearing people saying every action has a consequence. Then they would go on to explain that your actions are your hands touching a smooth lake. And that your consequences are the ripples made in water. They never specify. They never tell you that the water is so cold, no matter how many times you put your hand in, the same frigid, bone chilling feeling will run up your arm. They don't tell you that the only way not to make a ripple in the water is to submerge your hand into the water and stay still. The coolness of the water, so sharp against your skin. After the shock of the deathly cold, you go numb. You don't feel a thing. You know your hand is in the water, and you can feel the blood in your veins beginning to stop. You know you are going numb, but you can't take your hand from the water. If you do, tidal waves of ripples will be the consequence of your action. So you sit there, with your hand, numb in the water. Not feeling. You can't feel they skin on your finger tips begin to shrivel. You can't feel the fish come by and mistake you for food. You can't feel the skin and muscle coming off of your hand from being in the water for too long. So you just sit there, watching the world around you as the numbness engulfs your mind.

She still hasn't woken up. It is from all of the pain medication that Carlisle is giving her. It has been three days and I still haven't been able t o talk to her. I still haven't been able to say sorry. I still haven't been able to see her eyes.

I have been a robot. All I do is stare at her, assessing the progress her body has made at healing her delicate frame. I can barely smell her anymore. The only time I move is when my family members bring me blood. I still have to live to tell her how sorry I am.

BPOV

I can't move. I am stuck in my mind. It feels like a never ending hell. The only thing I can do is think about things, and the only things I can think about are the bad. I have tried so hard to wake up. I have tried to no avail. I am trapped. I don't know if I am dead, I don't know anything anymore.

I can faintly see a light in the distance. I reach for it in my mind; it has to be the way out of this darkness. It has to. I can't get it. I can't reach it, I try harder. I think I almost got it and then it dims, dims almost to nothing. I have to reach it before it fades. I have to feel it.

Then I catch it, but I don't wake up. It isn't anything. It was just light, a false hope created somewhere in the back of my mind. I return to the darkness of my mind, holding on to the fading light.

EPOV

Her eyelids fluttered today. They fluttered and I felt myself start to move for the first time. Then they stopped as I peered on anxiously, waiting for them to start to move again.

It is ridiculous how such a small movement can make a person's whole day. It is ridiculous that something as insignificant as a small flutter of an eyelid can assure you that a person will be fine.

But it did, and now I know that Bella is not dead. Don't get me wrong, her heart has been beating the whole time, I can hear it. But the whole time she hasn't moved. Not one inch. She hasn't moved and it has scared me to my core.

So when her eyelid fluttered, I felt hope. I felt hope that she could somehow be okay wherever she was.

Now I peer on, anxiously waiting for some other sign of life to assure me that she will be okay. Nothing has happened yet. She moved her eyelid about twelve hours ago and that was the last time she moved.

It is driving me insane. I can't handle it anymore. I want to go towards her and take her in my arms, but I can barely make myself drink the blood my family has been bringing. I can barely move I am so numb.

BPOV

I need him. I need him now more than I have ever needed anyone in my life. I don't think I can go on without him. I don't know if he will still want me when and if I wake up. I don't even know if I want to wake up if he won't be there. I need reassurance, but nothing has come.

I don't know how I would even know if he would still be there for me when I woke up. I don't know anything. The only thing I know is that I was raped again. And again and again. The only thing I can think of his face smiling his crooked smile as the holds me in his arms. How much I need his arms.

The light is coming back, but this time I don't have enough strength to go after it.

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**thank you for still reading this story even if i take so long to update.**


	16. Chapter 16: Awaken

**sorry about the long time out, but i have had some health issues that are still not resolved and have been trying to overcome them.**

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BPOV

_"Bella! Get in here now!" he screamed at me, making me jump. I cringed further into my corner for one last minute before making the long walk to James' room. I counted each step as I went down the dark hallways, never looking through the open doors at the prisoners they held inside. _

_"Hurry up!" James yelled at me again, noting my slow progress. I whimpered as I started to jog down the hallway, ignoring the pleading voices calling to me from each side. _

_When I got to his room I froze. There sitting right in front of me was food. Not just a piece of bread, but a whole meal. I could smell the sweet savory smell of freshly cooked steak on the table. Next to the steak was mashed potatoes and freshly cooked vegetables. I noted with a longing glance the slice of freshly baked apple pie sitting innocently on a plate beside it. I closed my eyes and tried not to attack the delicious meal in front me. _

_"I see you like the food. Excellent." I looked over at James, noticing his presence for the first time. I nodded my head just barely. I didn't want to upset him in any way. Was I supposed to like the food? What if I wasn't supposed to? What did I do wrong? James must have noticed my facial expression for he intervened on my thoughts. _

_"It is okay, Bella," he said, "you can eat it if you want." I stared at him confounded. I can eat the food? I, Bella Swan can eat? I studied him further for any signs of him feigning his latter statement. I couldn't find any. What in the world had brought this on? Did he have a fever? Could he even get sick? I took a hesitant step towards the food._

_"That's it, Bella. Don't worry, you can eat the food. I won't hurt you if you eat it." He coaxed me persuasively. I froze in my tracks. What was he up to? He won't hurt me if I eat it. What happens if I don't eat it? What if I don't want to figure out what sick games he is trying to play with me through eating this food? I started to step backwards, but an arm grabbed my wrist tight. _

_"Bella, eat the food" he ordered me. I looked up at him, fear clouding my vision. What had he done to it? Had he poisoned the food, deciding that he was finally done with me? Would this be the meal to end my miserable life here in this hell hole? I delicately raised my foot and pointed my toe towards the food, contemplating. I felt his grip on my wrist tighten as he shoved me towards the plate of mouthwatering food. I fell down towards the ground and landed on my knees with a thud. _

_"Get up and eat the food!" he yelled at me, kicking me further towards the ground. My cheek hit the pavement, causing me to cry out as I scrounged fitfully on to my throbbing legs and ran towards the food. _

_When I got to the plate I stopped and examined the precious items before me, taking in their appearance just in case it was the last time I would ever lay my eyes on a proper meal. I sniffed in the heavenly scent and pulled out a chair, thanking God before I was comfortably in its soft berth. I sunk down into the chair, grabbed my silverware and cut off a big, juicy piece of steak. As I was bringing it into my mouth I smiled, and deposited my small piece of heaven on my tongue. Then I screamed. The warmness inside my mouth was gone, and what felt like a cold chunk of meat lay limply in my mouth. I spit it out and looked at the plate in front of me. _

_What lie before me was not the meal I had seen with my own two eyes just moments before. What was lying on my plate, and what I had just eaten was not the flesh of a cow, but the flesh of a human. I stared in horror at the plate in front of me, trying not to throw up. A single arm was laid across my plate, the blood dripping off the sides. On the side dish where my apple pie once was laid what looked like a chunk of someone's leg that had been ripped off, exposing the raw muscle inside. _

_I stared at my plate horrified for a minute longer before James couldn't handle the quietness anymore._

_"My dear Bella," he said, rubbing my face in what he presumed was a comforting manner, "I only wanted to properly feed you. You see, I have been noticing lately how your stomach rumbles at night when you are sleeping and only wanted to offer my services to help sooth your human needs. So, I brought my friend Alonzo here to help me do just that." He wiped away the tears of sweat that were running down my face faster and faster. _

_"You see, Alonzo has a special gift. He has the gift of making you see what you want to see in a particular object. In your case, it would be food. He brought up some delicious human remains to you and made you see what you desired the most out of them. That is why you saw whatever human concoction that you saw." He laughed, apparently pleased by the outcome of such a trick. I felt the vomit rise up from my throat burning the lining of my esophagus. _

_"I could scarcely believe it when you came up here. I thought for sure that you would be able to see right through it. I wonder why you can't. Possibly it is a result from you being so weak you can't defend yourself. Hmm, what an interesting notion. I will have to experiment on this more later." He mumbled off to himself as I stared terrified at the food in front of me. _

_"Who was it?" I whispered. By the size of the body parts, it couldn't be anyone too old. The arm was relatively small and barely contained any muscle. _

_"I was hoping you asked that." James said, smiling devilishly, "Just lift up the hand and you will find your answer." With that James disappeared from the room, leaving me alone to my curiosity. _

_I stared at the dead hand for what seemed like ages, time passed and my mind raced with millions of questions. Somewhere along the line I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know who it was. I had to know who I ate._

_I slowly lifted the cold dead arm up, trying as best as I could not to disturb any of the things around it. I saw a flash of gold and diamond and knew. _

_It was Ava. Ava Summerville I remember her telling me one afternoon from when I first got here.. Her chest was puffed out proudly, her optimism radiating towards everyone she met. She was smiling down at me brightly, boldly flashing her most prized possession, her necklace. She wore that necklace day and night. It never left her frail body. She would wear it and show it to everyone that she met, sometimes even more than once. It was a wonder they let her keep it. I never knew why they did, until now._

_The thing I remember most about her is how no matter when or where I saw here, her chest was always puffed out proudly. It didn't matter if she was being beaten or had not eaten for days, she always had the strength to keep her chest raised proudly. She, unlike so many of us still had hope. It might be due to the fact that she was young she didn't really know what happened most of the time. She would always tell me that her imagination would run wild in this place. That every scream she heard down here would turn into a song inside her mind and she was composing a vast symphony full of joy and happiness. I thought she was crazy. I thought she was absolutely insane. _

_That was before I was down in the dungeon. That was before I became a slave and a pitiful excuse for human life. That was before I lost hope. _

_Now I know why she tried to make everyone sing. Now I know that by making everyone seem happy in her mind she could try to live from day to day. Now I know that making all of those beautiful songs inside her head was her way of holding on the hope. It was how she never admitted defeat. As long as the songs were singing inside of here, she would march on with her chest puffed out proudly, telling everyone in her sweet little girl voice that she was Ava Summerville. _

_The last time I saw her she didn't have her chest puffed out proudly. The last time I saw her was when she was chained up to the wall in the corner of the dungeon. She didn't have enough of chest to puff out. She didn't have enough of anything. The last time I saw Ava was when she was slumped over getting called to the feeding room. They had isolated her in a dungeon by herself. They had heard about the voices and wondered. They had heard about them and wanted to see if what everyone said was true._

_So, they took her necklace and put her in a separate room located in the dungeon and fed her. There was nobody in the room to give Ava songs. There was no necklace. There was nobody and nothing that could spark her imagination. So they watched Ava every day. They watched her wilt before their eyes like a flower. Each day her chest would get smaller. Each day the puff would be a little less defined. They watched Ava until one day she just altogether slumped. _

_Then, they decided they wanted to bring her to the experiment room. They always thought that someone who had not hope of life left in them was easier to kill._

_Then, my stomach wrenched and I vomited right on Ava's arm._

I woke up with a cold sweat drenching through my clothes.

"Bella?" I heard someone ask and froze. That voice, that heavenly voice of my personal savior was right next to me. I turned around and saw him, reveling in his unreal beauty.

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. His beautiful bronze hair in a casual and sexy disarray, his sparkling topaz eyes which were at this moment filled with concern, and his skin that was aglow with the faint moonlight coming in through the window.

"Oh Edward!" I cried, trying to crush him further into our hug.

"Bella, Bella, my sweet Bella" he whispered over and over again. His voice was music to my ears. I rid blissfully on the sweet cadences and annotations that the beautiful sound delivered to my ears, basking in its love.

"I am so sorry" he said, turning my face towards his, "all of this is my fault."

I stared at him confused, and noticed the worried expression on his face. I looked around and my brows knitted together further in confusion. I froze abruptly in my tracks, and then everything came back and slapped me in the face. Where I was, what I was doing here, and how I got here. Everything flashed through my mind. The horrible images made me cringe deeper into the protective embrace of Edward.

I felt him rub soothing circles into my back as my mind started to slowly process the new overload of information. The new problems with my life to add to my always growing list of imperfections. I sighed and silently cursed my luck. I knew that now, more than ever Edward didn't want me. He was too perfect, too good for someone as lowly as me. I would never be able to live up to his standards. I would never be able to feel his soft angelic lips on mine, ever gain. My life would be ruined. It would be burnt to the ground after he left me with no way for the foundation to be fixed again.

As reality crashed in on me I went completely limp in Edward's arms. I heard him call my name out frantically. He was apparently trying to get me to respond. I couldn't move. I was worthless. I would never be able to compare to anyone. I would never be able to match up to any person on the planet. I was useless, a waste of human flesh.

I had no point to life. I had no reason to roam the planet with the superior people around me. I should have died when it was easier, when it was less painful to take my life.

I should have died when James had me. It would have sure made my life a whole lot easier.

I don't know how long I stayed in this shocked state of mentality, but I remember the haziness of coming back to reality. Everything felt blurred and surreal. It seemed like I was watching a TV show of myself. A TV show of everyone that had came into to room when I was in the abyss of my mind.

I saw everyone, Rosalie, Carlisle, Jasper, Alice, and Esme. Most of all I saw Edward, trying to clasp the strands of my sanity into his hands. He was reaching, begging for me to come back to him.

But I was drifting along in my boat on the sea of raging storms. It seemed like everything had come back to me all at once. All of my wounds had been torn open again. They had never healed properly. They never received the proper medical attention to heal correctly. So now they were ripped open again, a painful gash bleeding on the floor. Now, all my hurt and pain was displayed for everyone to see. I was naked, my whole essence was trying to heal at one time and I couldn't take it.

So, I succumbed. I fell backwards into Edward's arms, my whole being giving out. I felt his arms start to hold me tighter, gently shaking me to wake up. He was worried about me because he didn't know the plan. He didn't know that I had to succumb.

In order to get better, you have to deal with the bad headfirst.

I turned my face towards Edward's panic stricken eyes and smiled. Then, I weakly raised my hand towards his angelic face and ran my fingers down the side of cheek, caressing his fears into the back of his mind.

I let my vision go black, and my arm fall, all the while hoping my caress could communicate the words I was unable to speak.

EPOV

"Carlisle! Why is it taking so long?" I demanded, "She has only awaken once in the past three days, and even then she was like a zombie!" I paced across the room frantically, focusing my full attention once again on Bella's comatose form.

The only signs of life were her deep and even breaths and the strumming heartbeat coming from her chest. I took in her beautiful face and sighed, frustrated at the slow progress.

"Calm down, Edward. I am sure her body has its own reasons for being asleep so long." Carlisle said in a fatherly voice for what most likely was the fifth time today.

"I know, but it is just so frustrating!" I ranted to my father, "I never knew I could be this anxious." He chuckled at my behavior.

"You sure did drive Jasper out of the room pretty quick, didn't you? I wonder if that was a new record for you? I should have timed that, probably around thirty seconds before he bolted." Carlisle smiled fondly at the memory from this morning.

In one of my desperate attempts to wake Bella up I got Jasper to come down and try to inflict strong emotions upon her. I explained everything to him on the phone and thought that it would go without a hitch. I apparently didn't put into play that my emotions were going haywire, causing Jasper to leave the room almost as soon as he got here. I scowled. I thought for sure my plan would work. I could have Jasper try it alone, but if she were to wake up I wouldn't be there, and that is not an option.

"I just wish I could do something" I said hopelessly.

"Edward, her body has to heal on its own time. The more you try to counteract the healing process, the longer it is going to take to heal." He said, trying to rationally explain everything in a scientific manner. I sighed and walked towards the bed as my father left.

I wanted so bad to touch her, I wanted so bad to take her into my arms but I knew I couldn't. I didn't want to scare her, I didn't want her to be scared at all, she had enough fear in her life to last her a lifetime. She had gone through so much pain. Involuntarily, as I was pondering how short and awful her life was, I reached my hand out towards her face and stopped.

I was so close to touching her I was so close to the soft skin of her face. I needed it more than air. I needed it more than anything I have ever needed, but I knew I shouldn't have it. I knew that I wasn't worthy of touching the innocent angel before me.

But I couldn't help myself. So, so slowly, as so not to scare the most timid lamb, I stretched my fingertips towards her face. I stopped when I was within touching distance and listened closely to any signs of distress that she could display. There were none. I felt myself start to rejoice as I delicately lifted my hand towards her face and brushed the soft skin of her cheek, lightly and delicately like the summer breeze.

As my hand touched her face, so softly I doubted she could even feel it, I saw her eyelids flutter. They looked like they were straining to open, fighting against some unforeseen force.

"Bella" I called out softly to her still form, lowering my face towards hers. I saw her turn her head towards me and relief fill her eyes as she took in my form next to her.

"Oh, Edward!" she cried out suddenly, trying to hug me. I felt myself become complete again as I took her into my arms, relishing the feeling of her warm and fragile body against mine.

"I am so sorry," I lamented to her, "all of this is my fault." Everything was my fault. I shouldn't even be holding her. I had caused her so much pain and hurt, yet here she was, calling my name in jubilation. I was a monster. I felt her go limp in my arms and started to panic.

She smiled weakly up at my figure and delicately raised her hand towards my face. I looked unto her in wonder as her warm fingers traced my cold face, leaving trails of fire down my cheeks. I smiled and kissed her forehead as her eyes closed.

Before she fell into the darkness I heard her murmur something so soft I had to strain to hear it.

"Change me, I can't go on as a human. I want to be strong like you as a vampire, forever." Then her breathing started to get heavier as she succumbed to sleep.

I suddenly knew what I had to do, but didn't know in the slightest how to do it. I could never take away this pure soul in front of me and change her into a monster. I didn't want to do it, yet she pleads for me to kill her.

"Carlisle" I said, calling on the one person I knew would have some answers.


	17. Chapter 17: When It's Cold

BPOV

I have never felt so weak before in my life. I have never felt so drained, so lonesome. I have never wanted to give into the darkness and let the coldness of the dead take over my body. I have never wanted to let go of whatever I had been holding unto so much in my life. I have never wanted to die, not even when I saw my best friend being murdered before my very eyes. Not even when I felt the skin of one of my inmates in my mouth. Not once, I have always wanted to live, I had to live, I had to get out. I had hope, I had a place away from the pain, away from the evil people that imprisioned me.

Now I am alone, and my muscles are weak. My hands are cramped, and I am slipping away. I can feel myself dying, I can feel my heart slowly giving out, and the blood starting to run cold through my veins. I have never felt death before because I had never welcomed it. Now I can taste it in my mouth, feel it in my body. I cannot see hope I once saw. I'd like to die, and my wish is being granted.

The only way I will live is if he changes me, and he won't. He doesn't want me to become one of him. I know this, he told me. I lay, my body turning colder, my heart slowing, and remember. I remember myself. I remember how I came to be. The gently touch of the people I love. My mother, her laugh and her vivacious manner. She would never give in to death, she has too much to live for. I picture her smile, and the pain goes away for a second. Then, I see Charlie in front of the TV stuffing his face with my cooking while watching a baseball game. His embarrassed flushes that remind me so much of myself covering his face as I announce I need to get tampons when I got my period. Both of our faces were looking at the ground, so much alike, yet so different than one another.

My body starts to get so cold it is almost unbearable. I feel the darkness starting to take over my mind and the systems of my body failing. I feel the blood slowing through my veins, and my heart slowing down. I make one last wish to the gods above me. I wish to remember Edward, in all of his glory, one last time before I die.

I remember the meadow, the crooked smiles he gave me. I remember the feeling of his stone body, and his perfectly sculpted ice lips leaving trails of heaven against me. I see his beautiful face in my mind and my heart weeps. My body aches. I need him, I have never needed anything so bad in my life. But I can't have him. I am dying. I am dying and I can't even feel him. I can't hear him. He isn't here. He is too good to be here, holding me while I die. I love him. I have never loved something as much as I love Edward Anthony Masen Cullen in my whole entire life. I will never love something as much as I love him. He helped me so much, fixed my wounds and for once in my life I was happy. I was happy and free and normal and felt beautiful. How I cherish that feeling, the feelings that he freed in my body I will never forget. I will think him when i go to the afterlife, I have to. He was the only happy part in my life, and now I leave him, getting consumed by the coldness of death. It is ironic how something can make you so happy sometimes, like the cold, only to end up becoming your own undoing.

The cold was something I used to embrace. It was something that made me so happy I could float to the top of mountains. It made my heart beat faster and my life complete. Now, when it's cold I'd like

to die.


End file.
